Should you lie to people? Is it possible to lie to God How to deal with the desire to lie

If you ask an adult whether it is possible to lie, then most likely several answers will follow:
Yes, you can
No you can not
It is impossible, but sometimes it is necessary out of the best of intentions.
At the same time, adults themselves do not want to be lied to, neither from the best of intentions, nor from bad ones.
Can you lie to your children? And why is it needed?

Let's start with the second point.
1) Parents lie to their children when they don't want to go into the details of a sensitive issue. A classic example is the mystery of birth. How many children tried to find their sister or brother in the cabbage, or looked out for a stork in the clouds? I remember from my childhood, older girls let me in on the sacred secret of childbearing and I ran away in tears, not believing that everything was exactly like that. Maybe that's why I tell my child that she was born from my tummy, and that her dad put her there. True, recently the daughter went to her dad and asked her to put her own Lyalya in her tummy. The situation was resolved by the purchased Baby Born. But on the other hand, I dare to believe that advanced schoolchildren in the yard will not take my daughter by surprise.
2) Parents lie to their children when they want to make them act according to their own rules. “Eat a candy and your ass will stick together”, “Don’t leave me, otherwise that uncle will drag you away”, etc. Usually in such lies there is always an element of intimidation. At school age, my mother took one friend of mine to prison, where she pretended that she was going to give him to the policemen for bad behavior (that mother was lucky, she had a policeman friend). The boy cried, asked not to send him to prison, promised to be good. But like any other boy, after some time he again committed an offense that, according to his mother, deserved prison (breaking a vase, being late home, and other terrible terrible things) And again they lied to him that he could be imprisoned.
Choosing a similar method of education through lies and intimidation, do not be surprised that your child is afraid of Barmaley at night, and ceases to trust you in adolescence.
3) Parents lie to their children when they want to save them from a cruel life. For example, grief happened in the family, and the parents do not know how to explain that the grandmother is no more. Or there is a financial crisis in the family, but you don’t want to dedicate children to this. We can say that the grandmother left, and find money for new toys, limiting yourself to something else. But the child will still notice that the grandmother is no more, and that some kind of tension has appeared in the family. And most likely, the child will be offended by the fact that they did not share important, intimate things with him. I remember when my husband lost his job. For three months we lived on deferred savings. My daughter was 2 years old, it was summer, and I was very upset that I could not afford to buy ice cream for my child again, or pay for trampolining. And every time my daughter asked me to buy something, but there wasn’t enough money for it, I told her, “Darling, dad is now at home, there is no money yet, I can’t buy everything for you.” And then one day we approached the butut, I had 30 rubles in my pocket for him, I asked, “Nastya, do you want to jump?”, And she answered, “No need, mom, there is no money” and went to ride down the hill. I will not describe the feelings that swept over me at that moment, but among them there was certainly pride.
4) And most often parents lie for their own benefit. To prevent tantrums, to secure good behavior, to lie quietly on the couch. I think everyone can imagine what unfulfilled promises are fraught with.

So is it possible or not to lie to a child? I think everyone should answer this question on their own. Only before answering, parents need to determine their attitude to this kind of upbringing methods from the very beginning. You should also decide in advance what you say to the child and stick to it in all situations, instead of saying the first thing that comes to your mind.

You read an ad in the newspaper about the perfect job. You seem to be the perfect match for her too. You have the qualifications required for this job. Although ... the experience is not enough. "But I'm good for this job," you think. "I just haven't done it before. But I'm sure I can learn."

Many of us have such thoughts in our heads. There are quite a few options in this case. Let's look at some of them. Candidate #1 thinks, "Well, I guess I'm still not qualified enough for this position." And he moves on to the next ad. Candidate #2 says, "Okay. I don't have enough experience for this ad. But I can just add to my CV. The last company I worked for collapsed. So new employers will never know if I did these things." obligations or not. Candidate #2 just adds a few lines to his resume. Candidate #3 thinks, "Obviously I don't have the work experience that is required. But I'm confident that I can easily acquire the necessary skills. The only thing I have to do is apply for this job, get a chance any way I can. In my cover letter, I will explain that I do not have the required skills, but I am going to do whatever it takes to acquire them. I will write that I have similar skills. What will I lose if I do this?"

As you may have guessed, candidate #3 has the wisest position. No. 1 candidate is likely to miss out on a great opportunity. He does not have the necessary work experience or the necessary skills, however, there may be similar ones. He had to evaluate these skills and figure out how to acquire new ones. He could then write a cover letter revealing his potential, as Candidate #3 did. The worst thing that could happen is that his resume would go to the wastebasket. The best thing that could happen is that the employer would see the potential in the applicant, and would decide that work experience is not so important. as initiative.

Who is the loser here? Of course, Candidate #2. Lies will always be exposed. Lying on your resume is a very bad idea. You might think that a little embellishment is not a disaster. However, for example, calling to work and warning about your absenteeism due to poor health is not the same as believing in your non-existent capabilities. Lies are like a snowball. It's like eating chips - you can never stop at one.

However, let's imagine that these tips fell on deaf ears, and you decided to lie. You don't lie about some special, specific job. You just didn't have the kind of responsibilities you described. It doesn't matter, you think. The employer, having received your resume and impressed enough, invites you to an interview where you will have to discuss your work experience. It means to keep lying. Now imagine that you got this job. And - you need to lie further. Not to mention that in the interview you will have to discuss with sufficient competence something that you may not be familiar with. And then demonstrate this competence in action. As a result, you lie to your boss, your colleagues, and possibly your clients. Like I said, chips.

You can't stop at little lies. It is worth paying attention to the most obvious reason not to lie - the possibility of being caught. Most employers will check your references. You may think that there is nothing to worry about if your old firm ceased to exist. However, it is not. It's amazing how small the world is. This is especially noticeable in professional communities. In specialized social networks, many people know or have heard of each other. You never know with whom your boss will discuss you. Imagine your embarrassment when your boss calls you into his office, looks you in the eyes and says he knows everything. You probably want to fall through the ground. However, most likely, no one special will be needed. to bring you to clean water. You will do this yourself when you are unable to demonstrate the skills stated in the resume. The lie will be exposed or the boss will think you are incompetent. In any case, you will again find yourself looking for a job.

But is dismissal the only consequence that can be expected? Let's see what else can happen. So you've lost your job. Easily found, easily lost. And looking for a new one. However, not all so simple. By lying on your resume, you may have set in motion a mechanism that will follow you for a very long time. Let's say your boss finds out you've been lying and sends you out to pack. You are looking for a job again and you are updating your resume. What about the job you just lost? Should you include her in your work experience list? And what to write as a reason for dismissal? So, you are again faced with the question of whether or not to lie on your resume. If you do not mention the last place of work at all, you will need to explain what you have been doing all this time. And this time can be quite long, depending on how quickly you were caught in a lie.

So, you've decided to include your last job on your resume. You have been invited for an interview. During the interview, your potential employer asked you about the reason for leaving your previous job. Oh oh. Deadlock again. To tell the truth and give up hope of being hired? Or lie again? You decide to lie. And say you quit your job because it's not for you. After the interview, you hope that the potential employer will not check your words, or that the previous one will not reveal anything. However, when a potential employer calls for your recommendation, they will know the real reason you were fired. End of work. End of story.

Every person in his life at least once lied or was deceived. There are many reasons why people lie. Most often this is due to the desire to look better than it actually is. It would seem that lying is so simple, but it is worth remembering that a lie destroys a person from the inside and violates his harmony. The fear of being exposed brings great discomfort, which over time can turn into serious ones. Many people begin to understand with age that deception is not a way out of the situation, so they think about how to stop lying.

Lies for good

That wording is a pretty weak excuse. It is very difficult to determine the line when lying does not do harm. And does it exist? In any case, the deception will sooner or later be revealed, and the person who composed the legends will feel very uncomfortable. It is difficult to prove that this was done for good and not for harm. Lying destroys even the strongest relationships, aggravates situations and negatively affects health.

Why do people become liars?

As a rule, no one plans to become a cheater. This happens gradually, but inevitably leads to the fact that a person asks the question: “How to stop lying?” The process begins with the fact that people say the information that the interlocutor wants to hear. They believe that "innocent" lies will not harm anyone. But this is not so: an unpleasant aftertaste and fear of “getting caught” remain.

Reasons for lying

To understand how to stop lying to people, you need to understand why this happens. Sometimes a person realizes with chagrin that he very often tells a lie. Fiction can be of a different nature, but the result is always the same: people lie and stop remembering what, when and to whom they said. Lies grow like a snowball, this leads to sad consequences.

Psychologists identify the main reasons why people cheat:

How to deal with the desire to lie?

When thinking about how to stop lying, the first step is to acknowledge the problem. Without this, getting rid of such an addiction is unlikely to succeed. The next step is to calm down. No need to remember with horror when, what and to whom was said. It is enough to apologize to those people who had to listen to fables. And when the desire to lie again arises, it is necessary to remember the promise made to oneself.

Be yourself

You should not compare yourself with other people and be guided by their actions and thoughts. Each person is an individual. To earn respect from others, you need to remain honest and work on your inner world.

Telling the truth is easy!

For people who are thinking about how to stop lying, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. Experts assure that telling the truth is simple and pleasant. In the future, you will not need to strain and frantically remember your stories. It is much easier to analyze the situation once than to live in constant fear that the truth will be revealed and you will have to relive unpleasant moments. This destroys inner harmony and makes you restless.

There is no "little lie"

People who justify their deceit with such a concept as "lie of silence" are deeply mistaken. No need to look for excuses and dress up lies in beautiful forms. Not telling the truth that is known is also a lie.

Lies for the sake of reputation

Tips on how to stop lying can only be effective when a person realizes the futility of his own lies. No reputation will last long on false stories. But regaining the trust of others will be much more difficult, and sometimes almost impossible. It is better to look for other paths to the heights that will help achieve sustainable and unshakable results.

"Little Truths"

It is very difficult for people who lie all their lives to understand overnight how to stop lying. Therefore, psychologists recommend starting with small steps. It is necessary every day to speak the truth where before there would be a lie.

Lying is a kind of theft: a person dishonestly receives respect, love and recognition from people. It is better to direct your energy towards understanding how to satisfy emotions in an honest way. This will become a strong base for self-development and building relationships with others.

Pavel Smolyak

Baptized when it was not shameful. Together with his baby brother, they brought him to a large cathedral, put him around, slamming him into the general mass of unfamiliar bodies, and ordered him to wait. The priest did his job, washed me with water: he slashed my face, and dipped my brother into a huge bowl, under tears and children's crying, then I involuntarily thought that the end had come to my brother.

Since then, I have lived with God. He read the Bible, did not succumb to temptations and did not sin, and if he stumbled, he atoned for sins at the icon in the Transfiguration Cathedral. In that childhood, I believed and believed that God is above us all, watches over everyone and you can’t lie to God, he still knows the truth. I have sinned and lied to everyone but God. God replaced my main yard bully, my first teacher, parents, all relatives, my first love and a pet, I didn’t even want fish in an aquarium, I had a God who looks at me, controls me.

Growing up, I came to the conclusion that there is no God. Well, it's true, he can't keep track of everyone at once. This is who God should be, in what time he should live, if several thousand people die every second on Earth, millions sin, and you still have to be present at the Last Judgment, to pass judgment on the soul.

I started lying to God. He did nasty things and did not go to the temple anymore. He mocked those who run to work in the morning. Grandmother, sensing my detachment from the ministry, stopped baptizing me before going to bed, no longer asked God to save me. Since then I have been afraid to sleep. If I die, then everything, I thought, I will never know what it is like to see Death.

I lied to my first wife.

I love you, he told her.

She pressed her childish cheek against me and rubbed, pierced her thin fingers through my fingers, both noticed how our golden rings flashed.

After a while I said again:

I love you, - he said to his second wife.

She looked at me affectionately, smoked cheap cigarettes and discreetly pushed a glass into which I was supposed to pour some alcohol.

In someone else's apartment, everything is neat, beautiful around. Things are thrown on the floor, carelessly, the smell of nasty perfume and sweat is in the air.

I love you, - a girl of seventeen years old is nearby, we are looking at photographs where she is with her boyfriend.

Do not lie, - she told me, slamming another card.

I'm not lying, - he said in a strangled voice, as if this black-haired guy, a weakling in the pictures, would turn up.

You're lying! - she threw and knocked out the pillows, a sore back at her age.

A lie is when the truth is known. Are you sure I don't love you? - he philosophized in a wrinkled bed.

She was silent, and two weeks later Nastya, my first wife, called.

Let's get married, she suggested.

But I don't love you, - he answered, and he himself introduced the church, bright yellow candles, the priest's howling, the oaths and chuckle of a neurotic atheist from the retinue of his ex-wife.

I love you! - Nastya shouted into the phone with a challenge.

But I have a wife, - I continued to justify myself.

Never mind. You will not show your passport in church, - the long-unloved girl resolutely judged.

I agreed, took the phone away from my ear, noted that they had spoken for a few seconds. I could not come to my senses, looked at the cross that was hidden under the shirt, and thought: why?

He looked at the cross and scrolled the future. We will come to church, I will be overcome with pain in my head, I can’t stand the smell of incense ... We will ask to marry us, the rector of the church will definitely ask if I am baptized.

I took the phone and dialed Nastya.

I can't lie to God, - I told her, - I can't lie to his face, it's impudent!

The girl laughed.

He knows, - she said ominously and laughed for a long time, generating fear in me.

Hang up. Unable to listen to the frisky cackle, I threw the phone away, forgot about it.

It was muddy, tossed from side to side, as if drunk, I walked along the narrow corridor, turned into the room, rushed to the bed, crawled headlong under the covers and roared like my brother when he was baptized.

Even if He sees that I cried, He will never tell anyone.

11.07.2017 11:48

Some people sin by telling lies. People often lie to hide an unpleasant truth, to avoid an answer, to get out of an unpleasant situation. It may also be that a person deceives another because he does not want the interlocutor to be nervous and worried. And someone lies because he is simply a coward - he is afraid to tell the truth, he is afraid to reveal his true face, he is afraid of condemnation and responsibility for his actions.

But in any case, a lie is a lie. And a person who often deceives others gets used to it. Having deceived once, twice, three times, a person accepts lying as a habit and begins to use it as an easy and understandable way to solve the problem. And more often - not to solve, but to run away from it.

Should you lie to other people? It's up to you to decide. But to make it easier for you to make a decision, we will list a few points.

What are the consequences of the habit of lying

. You are losing trust

A person who lies often and a lot, in the end, inevitably "gets caught." And the more often this happens, the faster he loses the trust of loved ones. And sometimes, in order to lose trust, one single deception is enough, and not always a big one. And restoring trust is much more difficult than destroying it.

Draw your own conclusions.

. You become irresponsible

Lying is the easy way out. If you've done something bad, it's much easier to say you didn't do it than it is to admit to what you did and deal with the consequences.

Thus, if you often lie, then you often evade responsibility. And this will gradually lead to the fact that in a situation where you should behave like a mature and independent person, you will be tempted to use the easy way out - to lie and thereby avoid responsibility.

Do you want to become irresponsible?

. If you get used to lying, you will inevitably start getting into awkward situations.

As they say, a liar must have a good memory. After all, a lie is not just a word “yes” or “no”, more often it is a whole story.

Try experimenting with yourself. Tell a story from a life that happened to you a year ago. And then tell it out loud again, say, in a week. Does the story look the same? Approximately yes - perhaps only the turns of speech differ, but not the essence itself. Because telling everything as it was is easy.

Now try to write a story about yourself and tell it. Will you be able to tell everything exactly the same in two weeks? A month later? Hardly.

And even if a lie does not include a story, but just a phrase, then sooner or later it will be forgotten. Let's say you told your husband that you went to visit a friend, when in fact you went out for drinks with an old friend. Suppose the husband did not ask about the details. But after a month, you can easily blurt out that you haven’t seen your girlfriend for six months and miss her. Why do you soon forget the last meeting? Because she wasn't there.

A liar simply can't remember everything - facts, dates, events that didn't actually happen. The truth is always much easier to remember than fictional events. A lie will always be forgotten from time to time, strange details and inconsistencies will emerge. This means that you will regularly find yourself in an awkward position when communicating with other people. Think about this when you think about the question "Is it worth it to lie?".

But what if for some reason you don’t want to tell the truth, but you also don’t want to lie? Indeed, after all, sometimes people ask questions that are unpleasant to answer, there is no need and desire. We don't have to open our souls to anyone who wants to, do we?

Instead of lying, you can:

. keep silent

In the story, do not touch on a topic, avoid answering, transfer the conversation to another topic, say openly - “I don’t want to talk about it.” There are many options.

. Tell not the whole truth

In any story, you can omit certain details - those that you don’t want to talk about out loud. And there is nothing like that.

. Select Expressions

It happens that the truth sounds very unpleasant and even rude. But, for example, instead of saying "It annoys me that you call me every day," you can say "I can't talk on the phone every day."

What have you decided for yourself? Should you lie to people?

Psychologist Anastasia Cherkasova,