I always think that I'm not good enough. I'm haunted by the thought that I'm not good enough. I hate myself

The transitional age is difficult for everyone: children, parents, teachers. But first of all, of course, for the adolescents themselves, who are looking for approval from the same children, parents and teachers. In this striving, they are looking for their own "I", but often, wanting to adapt to others, they lose themselves and suffer from this. This happens because they want to meet the expectations and attitudes set by others and society, - said 13-year-old schoolgirl from the United States Olivia Vella.

In one of the lessons, Olivia and her classmates were asked to write an essay on a topic that worries them. His essay "Why am I not good enough?" the girl read aloud in front of her class, which brought to tears not only some schoolchildren, but also teachers. The performance was filmed by her classmate and posted on the network, and today it has gained more than 3 million views. In an interview with WYSK, the girl admitted that such unexpected fame scared her a little, but what she wrote was her everyday thoughts and emotions: “I hope that someday I will be able to fully accept and love myself. I'm still working on it! "

Why am I not good enough?

Great, you're awake. Well:

1. Take a shower, you don't want to stink.
2 ... Choose an outfit that is in line with the latest trends and in which you won't be an even bigger laughing stock at school.
3. Do your makeup so you can finally look pretty and show your face to other people without shame. You may not even recognize yourself in the mirror, and your face will itch under a ton of makeup, but you cannot wash it off, otherwise you will destroy all the beauty on your ugly face.
4. Don't forget to style your hair with nice curls. You can't let your classmates see that your hair actually looks like the hair of a monkey being electrocuted.
5 ... Stick your fat legs in converse, because everyone in school wears them, and you can't be different from the crowd. Looking in the bathroom mirror, you see a stranger who somehow captured your reflection and replaced it with some other girl. With every part of your body, you feel how uncomfortable you are. But despite the hours spent, you will never manage to look as good as the other girls at school. You hold back tears, although a real hurricane of emotions is raging in your soul, but you will not let it break out, otherwise you will no longer be respected. Although before you were respected at all? .. Why am I not good enough? Beauty is pain.

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6 ... Go to school.
7 ... Find a group of guys with whom you will go to class, because in no case should you go there alone. You may not even like these students. They make dirty jokes and swear. They even laugh at you. You know that you should not communicate with them, but they are popular, and you want to please people, how they manage it. When you are humiliated, you cannot stand up for yourself, because in reality you are alone. Defenseless. You have to take the blows: any condemnation, comment, opinion, someone's look, criticism, insult, assessment, and at the same time your self-esteem sinks, like a ship sinks to the bottom of a hopeless abyss. You look at other girls, and in a second a hundred thoughts rush through your head. I wish I had hair like hers. I wish I had her eyes. Her teeth are perfect. I would like to be as thin. I wish as many guys were paying attention to me as to her. Why am I not good enough? Well, life isn't fair.
8. Do your thing. The only thing you seem to be able to do is study. You are proud of your successes, because you believe that perhaps this is the only thing that you succeed. You do this to get praise from teachers. Their recognition, like a rainbow that appears in the sky after rain, is the only thing that makes you happy at school. But being smart isn't popular. In reality, you are considered a nerd, too smart, a robot, a geek, a computer girl who-knows-everything, a favorite of teachers. And the envy of your classmates dispels any rainbow that appears in your sky. And you get nothing but torment. Why am I not good enough? Just accept it.

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9 ... End of the day. Get ready for bed.

10 ... Put on your pajamas. "Hmm, have I gained a few grams today?"

11 ... Comb your hair. Take off your makeup. "Damn, my hair looks like a washcloth."

12 ... Wash off all makeup. "I can't even look at myself in the mirror."

This is my life every day. And I can't do anything about it.

I was told that apples and oranges cannot be compared.

I was told that I was exaggerating.

I was told that I should be grateful for who I am.

But life at school is like flying an airplane - you never know when you will get into a turbulence zone and you will start to shake. But being popular isn't always good. You just say to yourself, “I want people to love me. I want them to accept me. " You look at other girls and dream of being like them. But other girls look at you and dream of being the same as you.

Good afternoon, Vera.

There are a lot of examples in life when people, having body parameters that differ from generally accepted standards, harmoniously arrange their personal lives, and finding their other half find happiness! It is enough to look at the numerous stories, for example, of the stars of the Russian show business, when she is a prima donna and older and outwardly imperfect, and he is young, attractive and talented, and yet they are together! This means that against the background of the available data, the internal attitude of a person to himself, his self-esteem, is much more important.

Your complexes are associated with low self-esteem. Therefore, it is necessary to raise it by all means! Unfortunately, it does not rise as a result of meditations against the background of thoughts "I love myself as I am!" - it is required to take concrete actions to improve oneself. Therefore, the recommendations are as follows:

Be sure to continue with exercise routines. They are good for both the soul and the body. If the training program does not work, then you can turn to a qualified specialist and work on his weight loss program ... it still helps a huge number of women.

Highlight those parameters of your appearance that you can bet on in seducing men. For a woman, these are usually eyes, lips, breasts, ... and even the manner of speaking. Sometimes it is not even specific parameters that are important, but the fibers of the soul that come from a person. Therefore, select such a Zone of your seduction in yourself, and master the use of them to seduce men. You can always take training on Seduction, or read the relevant networks on the Internet.

The following points:

You write that you like a guy, but you argue that he certainly likes slender ones ... And on the basis of what do you think so, strictly speaking? A more detailed analysis is needed here. Go to his page in contact, look at the photos of the girls in his photo album. To your surprise, it may not be what you expected. If, nevertheless, he likes slender, then this still does not say anything. After you learn to seduce with your merits, you can train on a couple of men to raise self-esteem in this matter, and then try to get closer to this man, and then whatever happens ... in any case, it will be a life experience.

Moreover, you shouldn't look for the best man. Just understand the qualities that you most need in a member of the opposite sex, and strive to find them, and not the alpha male, which may not be suitable for ordinary life at all.

"What does not kill makes us stronger"

Best regards, Nikolay Markov.

Important things to remind yourself of when you feel like you're not good enough

Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is
believe that you deserve it.

Understand that if you constantly do nothing to play down your abilities, you will never get better. And even knowing this, from time to time we still fall into the trap of our negative thinking. Sometimes we behave with ourselves simply in a boorish way. We make mistakes, or do not live up to expectations, and instead of treating this as an opportunity to learn something, we begin to scold ourselves for nothing.

I am more than sure that you have come across a similar one. After all, we are all human, and we are all imperfect. Each of us has bad days and periods of inner self-reflection.

Sometimes the pressure from our comrades, family, work and community is enough to almost flatten us into a cake. If we do not have a “right” job, personal life, hobbies, and so on, we begin to think that we are supposedly “not good enough”. My wife and I often hear the echoes of this self-destructive mindset from our clients, and we ourselves are by no means immune to it.

And what can we do about this?

Here's how I deal with it: Every time I find myself feeling unworthy of something, I immediately write the exact opposite on a piece of paper. I've been doing this for several years now, and it has had a huge impact on my life. Try to do the same as me.

And if you need some more inspiration, below are 20 good things to remind yourself of when you feel overwhelmed by the feeling that you're not good enough:

No one is better at doing things than you are, because no one is capable of it.- You are walking on your own path, and it is completely different from the life paths of everyone else. Sometimes we feel uncomfortable precisely because we subconsciously compare our achievements with, it seems to us, the successful life of others. Forget what other people are doing or accomplishing. Your life is your life and cannot be compared to others. So try to live it the way you like it, and squeeze the best out of it that you are capable of.
Where you are now is very important.- Sometimes we frown with disgust at the sight of the place where we are now, because for some reason we believe that this is not at all the place where we want or should be. But the truth is, in order to get where you want tomorrow, you have to be exactly where you are.
Everything will be fine ... sooner or later, one way or another.- When times are tough for you, remind yourself that there are no pointless and useless troubles. Leave what hurt you behind, but never forget what it taught you. Any trouble provides you with an opportunity for personal growth. Many of us believe that pain is divided into two types - one that can teach us something, and one that only harms us, but in reality it is not. When you walk through life with ease, and do not resist its flow, both types of pain will teach you something.
Better to imagine what can be, and not what should not be.- Remember, you cannot become happy without reconciling with what is, and forgetting about what is not, or should not be. What is - this is what should be, or it would not be at all. And the rest is just you arguing with life. Think about it for a minute. After all, this means that most often you suffer when you try to resist the natural course of things. You cannot control everything that happens to you - you control only how to react to all this. And this is precisely where your strength is hidden.
Each day brings you a new choice - depression and irritation, or calmness.- If you decide to be unhappy on this day, believe me, you will find a million reasons and reasons for this. And the same will happen if you choose peace and tranquility for yourself. Think about it. If you've become an expert on how to get yourself depressed, why not use those skills to make yourself more motivated, efficient, and satisfied with life? Take care of this.
You always have the strength and capacity for any attempt.- Any achievement of yours began with an attempt. So do it. Trust me, twenty years from now, you will regret much more that you never tried than what you did. Give yourself a chance.
You can always take the next step - no matter how small it is.“It doesn't matter how difficult your current situation is, you can still move forward. Little by little, step by step, and ultimately no matter how small the steps are. Remember, a dream that you don't even try to realize will remain fruitless. You need to not only dream, but also strive for your dream. Just standing and looking at the stairs is not enough - you must at least try to climb it. One step at a time, unless it comes out otherwise. But sometimes even the smallest step in the right direction can be a turning point in your life. So do it - whatever the cost.
Mistakes are just life lessons to be learned.- Not a single day of your life is wasted, unless you decide so yourself. Enjoy the journey along your life path, even if at times there are obstacles and detours along it.
What was impossible yesterday may be quite achievable today... - Experience is the harshest of mentors. Only he first sends you to the exam, and only after that he teaches a lesson. But in fact, it only plays into your hands. For this first of all means that with each passing day you become only stronger and more capable. So do not dare to give up today just because you did not succeed yesterday. Forget even thinking about it.
What "can happen" will stop you only if you yourself allow it.“Instead of worrying about what might happen, go ahead and deal with what really happens.
The better your inner worldview, the better your life in the end.- What to imagine and what to focus on - in the end, it's up to you. Forget what you don't like. Focus on what inspires you. If you see an opportunity, grab it with both hands. If you have a dream, strive for it. Those who are sufficiently delighted with their lives are practically invincible. So become one of these people.
You don't need someone else's approval... “Stop listening to what the world thinks you should want. Start listening to yourself. There are not so many people in this world who will always think only about your good - so become one of them.
What you can achieve depends a lot on how much you want it.- When something means a lot to you, you can achieve it. Whatever it is. When your will is strong, and you yourself are persistent, you will certainly reach the end of the path, where a reward awaits you. There is nothing magical or mysterious about success. Success is the natural result of hard work getting you in the direction you need it. Yes, sometimes it is difficult and exhausting you to the limit - but this is the only way you can achieve true success.
The best way to do something is to leave yourself no choice.- It's just amazing what a person is capable of when he simply has no other choice. This is how most great achievements are made. You are more than capable of great things - you just need to direct all your strength to them. If you believe that the obstacles you face are insurmountable, you will never rise above them. Stop being afraid. Stop worrying. You know what you have to do, so do it!
Don't forget to work on yourself.- Self-respect, self-love, self-dignity ... they are called that way for a reason. You cannot get them from anyone else. The surest way to earn the respect of others is to learn to respect yourself. Love yourself as if you are a rainbow with pots of gold at both ends. After all, ultimately it is your responsibility to recognize your own dignity. And above all, this responsibility means that you must not let others think, speak, and decide for you. It means that you must use your own intelligence and intuition to move forward - along with your daily hard work.
You are much stronger than your problems. - Use every obstacle in your path, every disappointment in life as a springboard that allows you to leap forward with greater determination than ever before. When something bad happens to you, you can let the event shape you, destroy you, or fill you with new strength. You decide. So cheer up! You are much stronger than you think. You may not have reached the end of the path you have chosen, but take a look at how far you have come. Rejoice that you are no longer where you were before.
For everything that you have lost, you will receive something new.- Appreciate what you have. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be great. There is nothing worth repenting about, there are only lessons. There is no expectation, there is gratitude. Life is too short. There are many chapters in the history of your life, and the fact that one of them did not come out very well does not mean that all the others will be the same. So stop rereading this unfortunate chapter - you better start writing a new one.
You have already managed to cope with many difficult situations.- The fact that you smile does not necessarily mean that you are happy with everything. Sometimes this means that you are strong enough to accept a situation that does not suit you, and squeeze the best out of it.
Your scars are a symbol of your strength.“Never be ashamed of the scars life has left you. A scar means that the pain has passed and the wound has closed. It means that you overcame the pain, learned the lesson it taught you, became stronger and continued on your way to the goal. A scar is a sign of triumph. So don't let them hold you hostage. Don't let them scare you. You cannot make your scars just disappear, but you can change the way you feel about them. Think of them as symbols not of pain, but of power.
You are still here, and you still don’t give up.“And if you fail to convince yourself of anything else, you are left with one compelling argument:“ I’m still here. And I'm not giving up. " Be positive, patient, and persistent. The more you feel like giving up something, the more pleasure you will get from continuing the path. Strong people are not the ones who always win, but the ones who don’t give up, even when they don’t succeed.

Afterword

The wisest, most loving and loved, the most successful people we know, most likely experienced pain, defeat, and the loss of loved ones - and despite all this, they found their way up from the abyss of despair. The ups and downs experienced by these people taught them to value life, feel its beauty, and understand people around ... and once it gave them the ability to sympathize and real, deep wisdom. None of us are born happy and successful - all this can only be found once on the path of life.

Sooner or later, this is waiting for you.

And now it's your turn ...

Which of the points in this article did you like the most? What makes you think that you are supposedly "not good enough"? How do you deal with this? Leave a comment, share your thoughts!

Hello Monica!

Can I call you that? In any case, you, as the author of the letter, figure like this!

When evaluating something or someone, it is very important to understand the starting point - the benchmark for comparison! Your letter constantly says "not good enough"! Not good enough at what? Not good enough compared to who or what? Who established the "sufficiency" of the value "good"? In which cases is this sufficient and in which not?

You can see how many questions can be asked from your feeling of insufficient goodness! And, believe me, there can be even more of them if we consider some more specific qualities.

It is clear that questions about comparison do not arise by themselves. Most of them have their roots, indeed, in childhood, developing and taking root as a form of building relationships from relationships with the closest people. Over time, if "standards of comparison" were constantly present in such relationships, they become "the norm" for a person. He begins to build his own relationships from value judgments that are transmitted to him by the people around him, usually significant for him. All this can give rise to self-doubt, low or high self-esteem (inadequate in everyday life) and prevent people from building relationships based on other feelings and emotions. Hence, the fear of being abandoned, and as a reaction "to be ahead of the curve," to be thrown first! The expectation of betrayal, a feeling of underestimation, incomprehensibility - these are the constant companions of self-doubt! At the same time, any relationship suffers - both at work and on the love front!

Everything can be solved by working on yourself! It is possible and necessary to establish the possible reasons for such "patterns" in relation to! Develop an understanding that evaluation, however important it is for building a relationship, is just an emotional response to the expected response! And if a person himself does not feel confident in his actions and feelings, if he constantly needs approval or censure of his actions, then the reaction of those around him will be appropriate! They will “approve” or “condemn” the actions of such a needy, and, moreover, in exactly the “key” that he expects from them! And everything seems to confirm the person's confidence that he is not good enough or is once again bad in relation to others! And if in his youth, when it is enough to go to the mirror, to again, albeit for a while, convince himself that everything is normal, there is both beauty and intelligence, the ability, then over time, when it will not be so obvious, " it will be more and more difficult to level out the gaps in one's own assessment.

Today there are a lot of different literature and trainings on raising self-esteem and bringing it to "adequate" indicators or their own requirements, but personally I believe that such work will be done faster and more efficiently with the help of a specialist.

Therefore, Monica, if it is important for you to maintain your own dignity, build a happy life and relationships with other people, start working on yourself! Self-confidence, which you can restore or build anew, will allow you not to depend on the opinions of others, will allow you to realize yourself, to present yourself to the world as you are, without cuts and remarks! Natural You will surely be able to build a relationship in love and find happiness in family life! Work on yourself only seems useless and does not bring any results! This is the most rewarding work from the category of personality development, because only it is capable of realizing all plans for the life of any person, making this life vivid and memorable, full of events and memories! And then correlating yourself with someone else will no longer be needed, because your life cannot be and should not be like someone else's! It will only be yours! Your life is your rules! Then everything that you will do in it - everything will matter and the value that you attach to it!

Many people, believe me, very many people have had such a thought at some point. Especially if there were reasons for this. For example, if you haven't had a relationship for a long time. Or if you've had a lot of short-lived relationships that ended in failure.

There are many factors that affect self-esteem. Unfortunately, the psychology of people is such that they see the bad very well and dwell on it, ignoring the good. Many people look at themselves in the mirror and think - who needs me like that, I don't have ... well, further down the list, which she doesn't have in her opinion.

It can be very difficult to get out of the negative. For a long time I looked at myself in the mirror, saw all my shortcomings, while I did not have a long relationship for quite a long time ... My self-esteem slipped nowhere below. But then I realized that I had to get out of this, because in my opinion there is no point in living with such an attitude.

Here are some tips to help you if you feel unworthy of a great relationship.

1. Nobody is perfect

You shouldn't just accept this phrase. You must understand it and believe in it. Even the most beautiful girl, in your opinion, may have a lot of flaws and even complexes. You just don't know about it.

Accept yourself for who you are. And these are not empty words. For a relationship, this is already half the victory. Stop idealizing other people. Many people suffer from this (including myself, it always seems to me that the rest are much better than me). There are no ideal ones. Each person is beautiful in his own way. And whatever your disadvantages (in your opinion), for someone they will be your advantages, believe me. This is true.

2. More often than not, your thoughts do not reflect the reality of things.

I would even say - always. The way you perceive the world and what happens in it is only your subjective thinking. Some girl seems perfect to you - believe me, she is as perfect (or as imperfect) as you are. It all depends on the perception. She can think you are perfect in the same way.

Just accept the fact that your thoughts and your judgment are yours alone.

3. Your past relationship should not influence your future.

Often, after a failed relationship, people experience a significant drop in self-esteem. It seems to them that now it will always be so, that they are unworthy of the best. It is not true.

Any relationship, even a short one with negative experiences, carries something good. First, this is again an experience. It doesn't matter what he is. It is important that any relationship gives you something. Any experienced situation is an opportunity not to repeat this in the future.

And most importantly, you often dwell (as already mentioned) on the bad. How bad it all ended. And you forget it. And remember how it all began. After all, someone liked you, which means you are attractive. Try to remember the beginning and forget the ending. It's already over anyway, so why remember the bad? They say the past does not exist. Just like the future. So remember the good!

My last relationship only lasted a week. They seemed perfect to me, and then suddenly it all ended. The ending was terrible. For a month I revel in grief, it seemed to me that I was just terrible, I ruined everything and no one would ever like me again. And then I remembered how we met. He was fascinated by me, he constantly looked at me as something perfect. And that means I'm beautiful. Someone thought I was beautiful, which means that I am. Of course I still remember the ending and still get upset. But with all my might, I try to remember more all the details of the beginning of the relationship. It really boosts my self-esteem.

4. Love yourself

These are very common words, but they are true. You must love yourself before expecting love from someone. People around you see not so much your appearance as your attitude towards yourself. If you don't love yourself, others will perceive you the same way.

Trust me, it always works. A girl can be extremely beautiful and even smart. But if she considers herself not in love, is not sure of herself, squeezed - it is felt. Is always. Such a girl will not be successful. And on the contrary - even a girl who is not the most beautiful outwardly can be confident in herself, love herself - and those around her will be drawn to her. (Just please remember that everything should be in moderation. No one likes arrogant narcissistic egoists).

One of my acquaintances a man once told me - "Men do not like beautiful women, but women with a twist." And in the TV series "Sex and the City" the main character says to the lady - "In the end, every man in the end chooses the woman who can make him laugh."

Trust in yourself. You are beautiful. Get the negativity out of your head. And as Jean-Pierre Barda once told me, focus on the good!