The scenario of a person's life and destiny is change. How to rewrite the script of your life? Journey into the independent life of the script

Is it possible to rewrite the script of life? Few people think about this, and in my opinion, in vain. Today I propose to talk a little about the future that is being created here and now, that is, in the present, and literally at this moment.

Think about how reading this article will affect your life tomorrow or the day after tomorrow? You will say that you do not know, because you have just started reading this article and you absolutely do not know what it is about. And I completely agree with you. I invite you to do a little analysis of today, what have you done today - to somehow make your future or tomorrow better?

This is, of course, a rhetorical question, because every second and minute of our present, we are laying the foundation for tomorrow.

And what contributed to the emergence of the present? Naturally, events in the past. That is, it turns out a fairly simple scheme, past-present-future. And in fact, in order to have such a future as you want, you need to somehow change the present from the past.

This is kind of nonsense, right? But not so easy, I started this conversation.

It is always believed that a person cannot return to his past, reshape and change some events there, which, as it seems to him, had a rather negative effect on his life. That's right, purely technically, of course it cannot, for this you need a time machine, and this is pure fantasy.

But let's take a closer look at how our past is catching up with us here and now. Everyone now knows very well that thought is material.

And some thoughts, wishes come true and are realized in our life, unfortunately, some negative things are often realized.

Because in these wishes or thoughts, a lot of energy is laid, a lot of emotions, a person with all the strength of his soul does not want something, but there is a lot of energy, and it begins to be realized. In principle, this speaks of a negative type of thinking that prevails in a person, I don’t want to talk in detail about the type of thinking now, I have quite a few articles on this topic.

So, here I go back to changing the past. If a person has some kind of life experience, and everyone has it, including a positive one, when everything works out and everything is fine, and there is also a negative experience, that is, something unsuccessful, something did not work out as I wanted ...

And this experience, I mean negative, they use everything in different ways, someone draws conclusions and acts completely differently than before, but someone steps on the same rake, and more than once.

Sometimes, you just want to scream - can't you see? Do you not notice - that it is not necessary to do this? Haven't you realized yet that your reaction or behavior is not leading to the desired goal?

And here, the saddest thing, does not see, does not notice, does not analyze and does the same. And such reactions do not relate to any global events, although this may also be the case. Basically, this is everyday life full of eternal discontent, when people act and treat not deservedly bad, or even sometimes despicable.

This is where the secret of changing your future lies, if you now change your reaction to some events, then events will change, it will definitely happen, and the results will be immediately noticeable.

So, what's stopping you from changing your behavior? What prevents you from seeing the light and understanding how you need to act, how you need to show yourself?

And then the past comes into play, remember, I said that the present is formed from the past?

Why are you behaving this way and not differently? And because, this is how life has developed, this is how the parents taught, certain values ​​and beliefs have developed. We act, think and perform some actions in accordance with the program of actions that is inherent in us.

Finally we got to the root of the problem - installations and programs about yourself and about your behavior, once laid down in your life, affect the here and now, and, accordingly, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

This is not the first time I have been writing on this topic, and all the time I try to come from different ends in order to convey one simple idea - the past controls your future. And here, no matter what area of ​​life you take, everything is subject to your programs, which are inherent in you.

You can take personal relationships, and the topic of weight loss, and finances, and a career, and the attitude of loved ones to you. For everything in our life, there is a certain program or setting that dictates our behavior, mostly it happens automatically, not consciously.

Let's say you decided to lose weight, and your consciousness is completely confident that it will be so. Your motivation is at the highest level - this is the first phase, so to speak, you are fully aware of what you want and how you will do it.

And then, after some time, motivation begins to decline, various events take place in life, which in some magical way influence the fact that you do not do anything from your plans.

Familiar situation?

This is the second phase - here some automatisms come into play, attitudes to oneself, deeply hidden, which you are not aware of.

Or another common situation is family relationships. Some kind of constant minor scandals or quarrels, constant disappointment or resentment against her husband or some close person.

At the same time, consciousness is completely focused on some unacceptable behavior of the second half, and all own claims are fully accepted at the inner level, there is a constant justification, why am I behaving this way?

And as a result, full confidence that I am white and fluffy, but he, the scoundrel, is still the same. And it seems that nothing can be changed, that it was simply unlucky with a husband or wife. It is also such a blindness that does not allow you to see your own programs and settings, which are completely ineffective in situations that are repeated almost every day.

Until then, won't you find these negative attitudes and you will not change them, the behavior will not change at all and you will blame everything on those who are nearby, because they are. Or the position of a victim who will tolerate and endure everything that happens to her. And why?

And it’s just that it’s more convenient and you don’t need to move, you don’t need to dig into yourself, find some unpleasant discoveries about yourself, and suddenly, in fact, I’m not as good as I always thought.

Such are the reasons, in general, when the future will not be the way you want it, because without having worked through the past, or rather even your own old conclusions about yourself and outdated models of behavior, the present will not magically change in any way.

Everyone understands perfectly well that in the articles you will not give a universal solution to some problem, all events in our lives are personalized and unique, and if you are waiting for a ready-made recipe, then it will not be there.

And this does not depend at all on any of my greed to give information. There are enough techniques and meditations on the site to help you work with many moments of life.

So, in order to improve your life, you also need to know how to improve it, how it will manifest itself, and how you will find out about it. This is also not an easy question, because everyone knows in general terms, but as soon as it comes to specifics, a stupor sets in and there is complete silence in thoughts.

Why is that? Because there is no such scenario of life, and a person does not even think about how it can be. No script, no events.

The subconscious mind acts strictly according to the program, and any program is somehow laid down, even if at first a project simply arises. And when, there is no drawing of this project, then what to say about the new program.

I can offer you my help in drawing up a "blueprint" or plan for your scenario of behavior by changing old programs.

Very soon I will conduct, which I recommend that you come and work with scenarios of your own behavior.

What will happen in the master class? And what you just read about is changing your programs and attitudes, and creating new patterns of behavior.

I can say, quite seriously, it is practically impossible to work independently with the installations.

Again, why? Because being in the "here and now" you do not notice any pathology in your behavior, everything is fine with you, this is not normal for others, they are not behaving the way you need to.

The master class is paid, but the prices were quite penny, first of all, because I understand that materials of such a plan should be available to every person, regardless of income, and secondly, this is my work, and each work should be paid.

Information for those who want to start working on their future, and decided to go to the master class:

The master class will be held on May 14-15, this is Wednesday - Thursday, in the evenings, beginning at 20:00.

I want to give a preparatory task right away:

Find 4 situations in your life in which the wrong conclusions were made about yourself.

These situations can be quite different, one thing must be present - there you behaved ineffectively. You can take on some very emotionally significant situations that you consider even traumatic.

And I recorded a small audio recording, where I talk in detail about the assignment. Just 3 minutes.

P.S. Next week, on Tuesday, I plan to hold a seminar on the topic: “How can you change the scenario of life?” methods.

All subscribers of my site will receive an invitation to the seminar. You can become a subscriber

I ask you to leave your opinion or on the stated topic, what do you think about this.

And also, you can describe what situations in your life you would like to “rewrite”, “remake” - of course it is not worth describing completely, but you can write in 2 words, and I will give you feedback - is it possible or not?

Imagine that the story of your life has several chapters (usually two to seven). What are they about? Name each of them (for example: early childhood, school years, students, first job, first love), summarize them. Think carefully about your place in each chapter.

2. Key life events

Find a key event for each chapter. These should be real actions and actions from your past. For example, last summer one evening you made an important decision. Or, at the age of 12, you had a serious conversation with your mom.

In detail, with details, describe each event: who took part in it? Where did it happen? What were you doing then? What did you feel? Determine the degree of influence of each event on your life: what does it say about you as a person at that moment of your life and now?

Ups and downs

Remember the brightest moment associated with the experience of joyful emotions. This should be one of the best, most beautiful events in your life in your memory. Where did it happen? Who participated in it? How has this experience affected your life?

Scroll back and remember the moment when you experienced extremely unpleasant emotions for you (despair, disappointment, guilt). Even if you find it unpleasant to think about it, be extremely honest. What were you doing at that moment? Who was the participant in the events? What were you thinking and how did you feel?

Turning points

Remembering the events of our life, we can accurately determine those moments when significant changes took place in our lives. Turning points can affect different aspects of life - relationships with people at school and at work, personal interests, and so on. Try to realize what is the importance of this event for you personally. It should not repeat events from other headings.

Significant events

... from early childhood

Choose a relatively clear childhood memory and describe it in detail. It may not be super important in your current life. What makes it significant is the fact that it is one of the earliest vivid memories of your early childhood. How old were you then? Where did it all take place?

... a conscious childhood

Describe a childhood scene that is particularly significant in your mind. She can carry both positive and negative memories. Who participated in it? What does she tell you about you then and now? What is its value?

... adolescence

Tell us about a significant event in your adolescence that has been remembered as valuable.

... adulthood

Describe a key event in your adult life (age 21+).

Bonus

Describe another event from any period of your life that seems important to you.

3. What's next?

Model two different life scenarios in which your own story may unfold in the future.

Favorable life scenario. To begin with, develop the desired scenario based on your life goals and desires. Be bold but realistic.

Unfavorable life scenario. Now create a scenario of undesirable development of the situation in the future. Describe your fears, imagine a situation that you hope you will never get into. Again, be realistic.

4. Main theme

Flip through the chapters of your life again, including those about an imaginary future. Can you identify the key theme, idea, theme of your story about your life? What is the main theme of your life? How do you interpret the significant events in your life? Consider these events from different angles, you will see how the angle of view changes your outlook on life.

»We talked about the fact that each person has a constant, incessant conversation with himself on-line. If the internal dialogue is optimistic, then the person is charged with energies and strength, which allows him to discover new goals and opportunities in life. If the internal dialogue is conducted in a negative way, then the person physically feels a lack of strength, desire to do something, and the whole world appears in gray colors.

Performing the proposed exercises for the analysis of internal dialogue, you should have realized that it has one feature. In the process, you suddenly feel some dark message floating from somewhere in the past, but sweeping by so rapidly that it turns into a dark, vague blur that cannot be identified. Unlike most of the dialogue that takes place in real time and is possible for control, the dark spot is very difficult to catch, it sweeps through the mind like a supersonic plane, representing a dangerous type of internal dialogue - negative thoughts.

Negative thoughts are the result of negative self-talk, which at some stage was often played out in the head for a long time and, as a result, learned so much that it takes root and becomes an automatic reaction. The constant presence of negative thoughts can lead to dramatic consequences, since the reactions to them are so powerful and quick that no other thought that explains cause and effect simply does not have time to arise. Negative thoughts, while having a certain resemblance to internal dialogue, are at the same time an independent type. They, rushing through a person's head, instantly block any incoming information and program the person for a specific result, which, as a rule, is not realized by him, and then predict the result.

When interviewing for a new job,Nlearns that she is among the likely applicants, and the chances of getting this place are high enough. Optimistic thinking in this case makes the following conclusion: “Very good. I continue to be calm, focused and do my best to be accepted. " But at some point, a negative thought pops up and reminds her of an incident that happened more than ten years ago. After collegeNI got a job in a company, worked in my specialty, was happy and proud of myself, especially since the experience gained in this place should have been very useful in the future, and the salary was pleasing.

But three months later, a friend called the employer and asked to take a very good person in her place,Nwas fired. She took it as a defeat, and this failure changed her opinion of herself. Before the interview, N recalls the events of ten years ago, and negative thoughts begin to attack her: “There is no chance, you have already been fired, and it would be better to give up the fruitless attempts. You won't be hired for this job. " If these thoughts prevail before the interview, thenNwill behave in such a way that it will leave an unfavorable impression: in her speech, manner and gestures there will be a lack of confidence in her own strengths. And the employer will hire another applicant.

Negative thoughts always look back and are a reaction to past events in a person's life. But at the same time, they influence the present and future of a person, taking control of his thinking and behavior. To neutralize negative thoughts, it is necessary to ask questions at any event: “Am I able to cope with this or not? Do I want it or not? " and make an informed choice. But in order to decide on this, it is necessary to admit that we have negative thoughts, we just stopped noticing them. Let's take a look at a list of the most common negative thoughts:

— Nothing shines for me in this life, my life is colorless and limited: work is home, nothing interesting;

- I am doomed to loneliness, because I am ugly and fat;

- Since childhood, everyone offends me, people use me, and no one is interested in what I feel at the same time;

- I can never get a good job, earn money for my house, but this is not me, and life is so unfair.

In the TV series "Secrets of the Investigation", in the film "The Role of the Victim", an episode is shown when the investigator Shvetsova receives a phone call with the phrase: "Nobody loves you, you must die," which scares her very much.

And imagine what should happen in a person's soul when such thoughts from year to year pop up in his head, poisoning his life.

Surely, some negative thoughts are present in your life. As you move forward, you will need to catch them by the tail and throw them out of your consciousness.

To identify negative thoughts and say goodbye to them, you need to become familiar with the biases that shape and feed them. Prejudice is a person's point of view about his place in this world. They follow a person everywhere and underlie his life, influencing values, the perception of himself as a person, defining the main traits and characteristics of character and outlining our boundaries. Prejudice is based on our own expectations of what is going to happen in our lives and have a profound effect on our relationships with loved ones, the opposite sex, and professionalism. They are expressed through the concepts of "must" and "must". Prejudice is when a person is required to follow the role that others have defined for him, this is compliance with other people's ideas about what life is.

“You have to become my own mother,” said Carlson. - You ask me if I want something, and I will answer that I do not need anything. Nothing but a huge cake, a few boxes of cookies, a pile of chocolate and a big, big cooler of sweets. "
Astrid Lindgren, Carlson Who Lives on the Roof.

If prejudices were not strictly fixed, then a person would be forced to ask questions and form new goals and directions that violate the prescribed course of his life. But prejudices, strictly limiting a person's place in the world, rigidly keep him within certain limits and prescriptions of what a person can and should take from life.

The easiest way to understand what biases are is to view them as specific roles that a person plays in life.

The whole world is theater.
There are women, men - all actors.
They have their own exits, exits,
And everyone plays more than one role.

Once you understand exactly what your biases are, you can also discover the scenario in which your life is going. The script of life is built on several stones, which we call prejudice. It is they who dictate to you how and what role to play, they determine the choice of your companions in life, and all the accompanying props: decorations, costumes, as well as the appearance and styles of behavior that you show to the world. And they do not just dictate, but also keep you within the framework of a script written by someone.

If events develop against prejudice, even if at that moment the person was happy, an ice wave rolls inside and a feeling of fate creeps in, and an internal dialogue begins to sound: "Why is it so bad for me, something bad will happen?" If the script dictates the role of a stupid penguin, then don't aim to become a proud Petrel. And a person, instead of rejoicing in happiness, experiences fear, a heaviness in his heart and a feeling of a coming storm. It often happens that if a person himself begins to free himself from any prejudices, then this does not suit his other half, relatives and friends at all, since the changes that are taking place will most likely call into question their prejudices about you.

Now let's turn to our constant interlocutor - the diary. Let's free up an hour or two of time and start exercising.

Exercise 1.

On television, they show meetings with famous people, ask them questions on various topics, and they answer by talking about themselves. Put yourself in the shoes of such a person and question yourself thoroughly, from all sides. It is important to be extremely honest with yourself. If you feel that you are afraid, you are embarrassed, admit it to yourself. Ask yourself: in what family were you born and raised, where and how you studied, what you dreamed of and what you aspired to, whether you achieved what you wanted, and what needs to be done, what to achieve, whether you like your environment. Describe what feelings and emotions you are experiencing while doing this. This is important for understanding what kind of negative thoughts exist in your mind, and how valuable and self-sufficient you are.

Exercise 2.

During the week, as you wake up in the morning, write down your expectations and feelings for the day ahead. What are you expecting? Is there optimism or excitement and fear in you? The entries are small and may contain the following content: “It's hard for me, I don't want to go to work. I don’t like the team and what I do ”,“ Today I am learning something new and interesting ”. Why do you need to do this? We have already said that negative thoughts predict the result, so you need to grasp the thoughts with which you meet the new day and ask yourself what I expect from it.

After completing the exercises, evaluate your negative thoughts. Are there any overlaps or variations with typical negative thoughts? Try to understand why these thoughts appear - maybe when performing a task or when communicating with certain people.

The next task is to evaluate your life scenario.

Take the time and consider the scenarios that have shaped your life. There can be many of them: the roles of a friend, a loving spouse, a parent, a teacher, a daughter, etc. Considering the scenarios, you need to remember the roles that directly influenced the result. As a result of working on the script, there will be a place for the previously considered factors: labels, types of control, negative thoughts and prejudices that fill the script with different meanings and colors.

And again the diary comes to our aid. To begin with, we will simply designate the scenario, adding in the title the role that we played: the mother of the family, the tyrant's wife, the neat woman.

And then, in simple terms, describe the actions or behavior that the script required. The main task is to remember what you did in this particular role. Next, in two paragraphs at most, describe how people reacted to you in relation to this role. What has this role required of others in this scenario?

After completing the exercise for one role, move on to another and describe all the roles in turn, one by one.

After you have described several scenarios according to which you have lived part of your life, you need to return to your notes and perform the following steps:

- Use a marker to mark the roles in which you feel most comfortable and whole with what you strive for in life. What roles would you be most proud of if you had to do interviews? Which of the above roles do you prefer?

- When giving interviews, what roles would you prefer to remain silent about, because you are ashamed of them?

- For each scenario considered, determine who was the person who imposed this scenario on you and what did he gain from this?

After completing these exercises, you need to analyze the role groups and scenarios and determine what relationships exist between them. How did they connect and define your personality, and how much does each role and script add or subtract from your true self?

The analysis will allow you to determine which roles are inherent in this particular self, and which ones contradict it. Go through the list of your roles, try to enter each of them, what emotions do you feel at the same time? At the same time, say out loud what is characteristic of this particular role. So, if you are considering the role of a neat lady, you might say, “Kindly stand on the rug by the door while you take off your shoes. Don't spread dirt around the hallway. Now dry her behind you. Okay, now go ahead and take off your jacket. " For each role, certain feelings, emotions are attached - when entering the role, pay attention to them. They can be both positive and negative, and cause discomfort and irritation. All significant emotions must be recorded.

If you have worked honestly and thoroughly on that life scenario that you personally would like to live, then you can begin to study the role that you want to play - yourself, alive, real, exactly as you feel yourself in your heart. This is just your scenario, and it is up to you whether to implement it or retreat. If you decide to bring it to life, then next time we'll talk about what needs to be done to make this scenario a reality.

It is incredibly easy to fall into the trap of activity, into the cycle of affairs and events, spending more and more efforts to climb up the ladder of success - all in order to realize that this ladder has been put against the wrong wall.

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Are you sure you are heading in the right direction?

Such situations are not so rare in life: a person strives for success all his life and achieves it, wins victory after victory, gains popularity and even fame, acquires all imaginable and inconceivable property - but at the end of his life he suddenly discovers that for the sake of all these victories he sacrificed something immeasurably more valuable and important. For example, he parted with loved ones, ruined relations with relatives and friends, made his children unhappy, denied himself the pleasure of doing what he loved. And all his victories and successes against this background turn out to be soap bubbles, empty shells, which have lost all meaning for him. The serious losses that he, it turns out, suffered as payment for his success, are in no way justified, and the success of these sacrifices was not worth it.

At the end of life, people of the reactive type come to such bitter insights (“I spent my life on the wrong side!”) - those who respond to all the circumstances of the outside world with an impulsive, automatic reaction. Anyone who lives impulsively simply does not see where his path is leading. He has no plan and strategy, he lives relying on chance, and therefore does not achieve his true, deep goals, desires and needs. And he most often does not think about goals as such, although, of course, he has them, like any normal person.

Let's see what kind of absurdity our life turns into when we live automatically, impulsively, and then we are surprised to find that for some reason our goals do not want to be realized.

Example: Here is a young mother of two adorable preschool children. They, like all normal children, make noise, indulge in and do not want to sit still. In response, the mother behaves reactively: she gets irritated, screams and even slaps the children on the head, and she does all this with genuine malice. Children cry and, in fear, try to hide with their hands from their mother's anger.

But if such a mother is asked: how she would like to see herself and her family life in many years, in old age, she will surely imagine an idyllic picture in which she will see herself surrounded by respect and care of loving children and grandchildren.

The question is: does she do anything in her present so that this dream of an idyll in old age can come a little closer to reality? No. Instead, she does exactly the opposite: lays a gap between herself and the children. If she continues to behave like this, it is not difficult to imagine what this will lead to: to the unwillingness of grown children to communicate with her and, as a result, to loneliness in old age, filled with resentment and disappointment.

And it will be too late to fix anything, because something very important will be lost forever and irrevocably.

It would seem that it is so simple: if we want to achieve a goal, we must do something for this, pave the road to this goal and steadily approach it.

But for some reason, many people behave as if they believe that the goal should somehow come true by itself, and while it is being realized, they will do other things.

But you and I have already understood: we get in life only what we do ourselves, to which we arrive through our decisions, our own choices and our actions. Nothing arises by itself! And if you have such a dream as a happy old age surrounded by loving children and grandchildren, lay the foundations for it now, for which at least think: are you giving your children enough of the love that you want in return. And if you, having in mind such a dream, do nothing for it, but spend all your efforts on making money, giving children slaps and slaps in between - then do not be surprised if you get something completely different from what you dreamed of.

A person who is accustomed to automatically reacting to reality is like someone who has been cutting a path through the jungle for a long time, and then climbed the tallest tree, and saw that he was moving in the wrong direction.

To prevent this from happening, first you need to make sure that both the jungle and the direction are correct.

How can this be done as applied to our everyday reality? The easiest way is to imagine what you would like to come to the end of your life, and most importantly - what you would like to leave behind. And not only in the material sense, but most importantly - what trace and what memories would you like to leave about yourself in the souls and hearts of other people. What father or mother, what husband or wife, son or daughter, what friend, what work colleague, professional, what kind of person, what character would you like to remain for them? What deeds and achievements of yours would you like to leave a fond memory of?

Most of us don't want to look that far. Thinking about the end is so unpleasant! But it’s worth doing it at least once. Not for whipping up gloomy thoughts about old age and death, but in order to understand where you really would like to come, what would be the most favorable outcome for you.

This will help you adjust your actions in the present. You will understand what in your behavior suits your ultimate goals, and what contradicts them. And you will no longer waste your energy cutting through the jungle you don't need.

“By constantly keeping in mind a clear image of your ultimate goal, you will always be aware that everything you do on any particular day does not contradict the criteria that you yourself have identified as the most important for yourself. You can always be sure that every day you live is a meaningful contribution to your understanding of your life in general. "

(Stephen Covey. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)

Laws that must not be violated

You already have your ultimate goal in mind and are thinking how to bring your life in line with it.

But in order not to make mistakes along the way, you first need to establish internal contact with the fundamental laws or principles of human existence.

It is an axiom that people's lives are determined by principles. Not taking these principles into account or trying to get around them is like not taking into account the law of universal gravitation or the fact that autumn comes after summer, followed by winter. In the first case, a person may think that he is able to fly like a bird, and eventually crash. In the second case, a person can plant flowers in late autumn, and then lament that they are frozen.

These examples seem absurd to us - however, people continually break on the unshakable principles of human existence simply because they do not take them into account.

These are the principles, or laws that are impermissible to violate on the way to your goal.

The principle of justice. If, as a result of your actions, someone has suffered from injustice, then you will not achieve success.

The principle of honesty. If you are not honest with others or with yourself, do not rely on the trust and honesty of others in relation to you, and also do not hope that you will be able to establish long-term cooperation with them or build a favorable relationship.

The principle of human dignity. Without acknowledging your own dignity or the dignity of others, it is impossible to be happy and live a fulfilling life.

The principle of duty. It is the duty of every human being to do something for the good of humanity. If we do not do this, then we ourselves do not receive any benefits.

Development principle. Each person is born with great potential for growth and development, and in the process of life we ​​must grow, develop, more and more revealing our potential. If we do not do this, then we will degrade.

These principles are objective reality. They drive human development. Without considering these principles, we cannot achieve happiness and success.

It is these principles that we must place at the very center of our circle of influence (see Step 1). That is, to make them the values ​​we care about first of all. And only based on these values, we can solve all other problems, form our goals, objectives, our life credo and ways to achieve success.

Landmarks are true and false

Why is it so important in any business, undertaking, movement towards a goal to proceed precisely from the basic principles of human existence - to put them in the center of your circle of influence, your worries and your very life?

Because only following these principles ensures the satisfaction of the four fundamental needs that exist in every person.

These four main needs - they are also life support factors that underlie all aspects of human life:

Feeling safe. Only by feeling safe, we can be confident, emotionally stable, feel the importance of our personality and openly express our individuality.

The presence of internal landmarks. Every person needs an "inner compass" - a system of views, guidelines and values ​​that determine the direction of our movement and guide our actions.

Wisdom. A sense of balance and orderliness in your life, arising from life experience, assessments, judgments, understanding of the nature of things.

Energy. Having the strength and ability to act, change something in your life, get rid of ineffective behaviors and develop effective ones.

If you put the basic principles of human existence at the very center of your circle of influence as fundamental values, only then all these four “pillars” of your life are properly reinforced, which creates a basis for your well-being and success.

But in fact, very few people put basic universal values ​​"at the forefront". Much more often we see examples when something else becomes the central values ​​in a person's life. For example: spouse or spouse, family; money, work, possession of some property or status, position in society, power, success; pleasure; friends and enemies; religion and belief; and finally the man himself, his own "I" or "ego".

There is nothing wrong with including family, work, money, success, etc. as values ​​in our circle of influence. But if we put these values ​​at the center, at the forefront, in the place where the basic principles should be - we ourselves are digging a hole for ourselves and making the building of our life very wobbly and unbalanced. Because factors such as safety, the presence of internal guidelines, wisdom and energy suffer from this.

Here are some examples.

If your center is a spouse:

¦ your sense of security depends on his attitude and mood,

¦ your inner guidelines are determined by his desires and needs,

¦ your wisdom is limited to what is good and bad for your spouse,

¦ your energy is spent on what the spouse wants, as well as on conflicts and clarification of relationships.

If your focus is work:

¦ your sense of security is satisfied only when you work,

¦ your internal guidelines are directed only to the needs of your work,

¦ your wisdom is limited by the scope of your profession,

¦ your energy only manifests itself within the framework of your organization.

If your focus is money:

¦ your sense of security is completely dependent on your income, which means that you constantly feel vulnerable,

¦ your internal guidelines are aimed only at making money,

¦ your wisdom is limited by a very one-sided perception of the world: you only care about what brings money,

¦ your energy is limited to those goals that can be achieved with the help of money.

If your center is friends:

¦ your sense of security suffers from being dependent on other people's opinions,

¦ your inner reference points are unstable because they depend on the preferences of other people,

¦ your own wisdom is absent due to the habit of adjusting to other people's assessments and judgments,

¦ Your energy is wasted in inconsistent actions to please your friends.

If your center is power, success, possession of property:

¦ your safety is unreliable, as it depends on your social status and property,

¦ your wisdom is limited by the scope of social and economic relations,

¦ your energy is directed only to the acquisition of material and other benefits.

If your focus is religion:

¦ you only feel safe when you belong to a religious community, follow its rules and rituals,

¦ you are guided by how the adherents of your faith will evaluate you,

¦ your wisdom suffers from the fact that you do not want to accept the truths that go beyond your teachings,

¦ your energy is directed only towards participation in the life of your religious organization.

If your focus is yourself:

¦ your sense of security is unstable, as it depends on changes in your mood and well-being,

¦ your guidelines are aimed only at achieving your own selfish goals and giving yourself pleasure,

¦ your wisdom is limited, since you perceive only one facet of the world and people: namely, how they affect you and how they relate to you,

¦ Your energy is limited by the inability to act in concert with others in the name of common interests.

A completely different picture arises when we put basic universal human principles at the center.

If your focus is principles:

¦ you feel safe, because the principles do not change, do not depend on the behavior of other people and circumstances, you can rely on them,

¦ your inner landmarks are accurate and clear, as you have a good idea of ​​where you are going and how to get there,

¦ your wisdom is not limited to the views and opinions of other people or the framework of circumstances,

¦ your energy flows freely, as you yourself make decisions and yourself choose the ways to implement them.

Define your life credo

So, you have an idea about your ultimate goals, about those principles from which you need to "dance" and which are guidelines in your life. Now, based on this, you need to develop your life credo, or, if you want, to reveal your personal mission in life.

Of course, this is not a one-day job. It requires deliberation, serious immersion in oneself, the ability to thoroughly introspect. Perhaps you will return to this work again and again, more than once revise your life credo or add new details to it. All this should not scare you. Even the very fact that you start this work will have a huge positive impact on you and your life.

There are some practical tricks that will make things easier for you.

1. Think about the roles you play in life and list them - for example, husband, father, son, brother, friend, businessman, leader, public figure, member of a religious organization, etc. Think about what for you are important in each of these roles. What are you striving for, and what values ​​are important to you in relation to these roles. Formulate a goal that is important to you in each role. For example: as a leader, I make progressive changes that positively affect people's lives; as a friend, I come to the rescue, inspire by my example and show that everything can be overcome; as a husband I strive for harmony in relationships, love and mutual respect; as a father, I help children develop, teach them to enjoy life and at the same time show wisdom and self-control, etc.

Then you can identify something in common in the goals and values ​​that are important for each role, some of their general direction. For example, it may be the idea of ​​living honestly and at the same time positively influencing the fate of other people. It is quite worthy to become your personal credo.

2. Ask yourself questions: what is really important to me? Why am I doing what I am doing? What can I do and want to achieve with this? What should I change in my actions so that they are based not on false guidelines for money, serving another person or my ego, pleasures, etc., but on the true guidelines of basic human principles? You may not immediately find the answers to these questions. But in the end, you may be waiting for the opening. For example, you’ll find out for yourself that instead of chasing short-term profits, you should think about what will bring long-term benefits to people. Or you will understand that raising a child does not mean forcing him to obey by force, but that means fostering a sense of his own dignity in him. Perhaps this will become the foundation of your life credo: to love, to develop your self-esteem, and to teach this to others.

3. Imagine that you have six months left to live. (A softer option for the superstitious: that in six months you will have to retire). How will you get through this time? What do you want to have time to do? What goals and objectives will recede into the background, what will come to the fore?

If you imagine that you are about to retire - what will you do after that? Maybe you want to start a new career? Or devote yourself to something else?

Your true values ​​may emerge in your consciousness, which you were not even aware of before. Add them to your life credo.

The main thing is that your life credo is yours - not borrowed, not copied from a book. Take enough time to discover it - retire, think, dive inward. Maybe your credo will consist of one phrase, or maybe many phrases, in each of which you will describe your goals and methods of action in different life situations, for example: “I want there to always be joy, comfort and peace. I will distribute my efforts equally between home and work, so that one does not to the detriment of the other. I want to encourage my children to be interested in everything new, to strive for them to be more happy and laugh. I will not be a slave to money, but I will strive for money to be of benefit to me and my family. I will get rid of bad habits and find something that will make my life more enjoyable. I will not be led by others, but will begin to independently determine the course of my life, ”etc. In this case, your credo can become something like your personal Constitution - the basic law that determines your life.

“Once you realize your mission, you will receive the basis for the development of your proactivity. You have vision and values ​​that guide your life. You have a main direction according to which you set yourself long-term and short-term goals. You have a constitution that is based on the right principles and against which you can check every decision you make to make the most of your time, your abilities and your energy. ”

(Stephen Covey. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)

Your life scenario is first created in your thoughts, and only then - in reality

If we live reactively, it means that we are controlled by external stimuli, circumstances, other people. Naturally, in such conditions we cannot build our life according to our own scenario. We live according to scenarios imposed on us from the outside. Or even without a script at all, following from one impulsive reaction to another. And we can live like this all our lives, having come to the end to bitter disappointments, if we do not stop in time and take up a thorough revision of the script of our life.

If you are already thinking about your life credo, then you have begun to create a new scenario for your life - namely, one that will lead you to your true goals.

According to one of the laws of life, everything that we create, we do twice: first in our thoughts, and only then in reality. Having determined your ultimate goals (what you would like to come to at the end of your life), outlining your true center (basic universal principles that you decided to firmly follow) and your life credo, you did nothing more than create the first mental creation.

Thus, you answered the question, which is the main one for any leader: "What exactly do I want to do?" This allowed you to solve the most important task: to become the true leader of your own life. A person who is able to rewrite the script of his life in accordance not with someone else's, but with his own ideas about what he needs, what is good for him and what he wants to achieve.

You may find that all of your previous scripts were ineffective because they were based on your reactive behavior. Now you will approach all the roles in your life proactively - constantly keeping in mind your ultimate goals, your values, and your direction of travel.

Start each day of your life with your new scenarios and true values ​​in mind. This will help you make free choices without reacting to someone else's emotions or circumstances. Only one who is guided not by what surrounds him from the outside, but by his own inner values ​​can become truly proactive.

Summary

Step 2 corresponds to the Second Habit of the Highly Effective Person, which can be called "Start by Defining the Ultimate Goal." If Step 1 helped you realize that you yourself are the programmer of your life, then Step 2 should teach you how to write the right program.

Practice

Exercise 1: Return to True Center

Think about what values ​​are fundamental in your life - what do you put at the forefront, what is your center: basic universal principles (true reference point) - or the interests of your spouse, family, money, work, property, success, power , pleasure, friends, enemies, religion, your selfish interests (false landmarks)?

Perhaps you will find not one but several centers. Think about how they affect your perception of the world (inevitably making it one-sided, limited) and how they affect your decisions, actions, behavior.

Remember how you performed some actions, guided by one of the false guidelines. For example, they tried to satisfy the needs of a spouse to the detriment, perhaps, of their health, desires and needs. Or they devoted too much time to work, again to the detriment of other interests. Or blindly follow the lead of your friends instead of wondering if you really need it.

Now imagine how you would act in the same situation if the most important thing for you was to remain true to basic principles.

The principle of justice would probably stop you from doing something where one wins, while the rest (including you or your loved ones) lose.

The principle of honesty would make you honestly answer the question: do I really want to do what is required of me? Am I deceiving myself or others?

The principle of human dignity would require you not to do anything that might humiliate you or another.

The principle of duty Would make you ask yourself the question: what I am doing - will it really benefit someone, or am I just indulging someone's selfishness, weaknesses and bad habits?

Development principle would not allow you to do anything that could harm progress, growth, development, and improvement - your own or that of others.

If you align all your actions with these five fundamental principles, then everything that you do will be directed to the good - yours and others, from which everyone will ultimately benefit.

Exercise 2. Check if your plans are in line with life principles

Think about what you are planning and going to implement in your life in the near future. Analyze your plans for how they relate to your ultimate goals; Are they consistent with the Five Basic Principles? whether they correspond to your life credo. If necessary, adjust your plans, bringing them into agreement with all of the above principles of mental creation. Write down what results you would like to get and what steps you think you need to take to get it.

Exercise 3: Visualization: Rewrite the ADR program

To follow new scenarios in your life, you need to be proactive. But this skill requires training, because the first, impulsive, automatic reaction will, especially at first, break out of you against your will.

For example, your creed includes the idea that you will treat your children with love and patience. However, when a child does something wrong, you cannot control the reactive behavior and are ready to flare up before taking a break and choosing to react differently.

Take at least a little time every day to learn how to overcome obsessive impulsive responses and build proactivity. This will help you such a technique as visualization.

Stay alone with yourself, take a comfortable position, calm down, relax. Think about your credo - for example, how it would be pleasant and joyful for you to communicate with your children calmly, wisely, balanced, without losing your temper, and build relationships with them with love and mutual respect.

Then imagine the situation that most often triggers your usual impulsive response. For example, some behavior of your children that annoys you and makes you angry. Try to imagine this picture as vividly as possible, in all details and details.

And then imagine that you are not reacting to all of this the way you usually do. If usually your heart begins to pound, clench your fists, you strain and are ready to burst into a flash of anger - now, in your imagination, imagine that none of this is there. Instead, you react differently: with love, patience, self-control, while, if necessary, showing strength of character and firmness - exactly as laid down in your credo. And also imagine your behavior and state as vividly as possible, so that in your imagination you live it as if it were real.

If you do this day after day, then gradually rewrite the program you have blindly followed before and write your own behavior scenario in harmony with your core values ​​and your life credo.

This way you can reconsider any undesirable situations in your life. And gradually begin to follow not the scenarios that society, your environment, upbringing or genes imposed on you, but you will live according to your own scenario, based on your own aspirations and ideas about life.

It is unbearable at work, you come home - a conflict. A continuous obstacle course began. "Black!" - you say. Time passes, life begins to improve. "White stripe" - now you think. So it turns out that life is a continuous series of changing stripes.

Have you ever wondered from what moment the "black streak" of bad luck begins?

Have you analyzed what was the catalyst that triggered the chain of unpleasant events? And what does its duration depend on?

4 years ago in my life there were several events that followed each other and greatly upset me. Once in the "black strip", it was difficult for me to assess the situation from the outside. Pain, anger, resentment - I was pursued by the typical symptoms of the "victim" syndrome. I don’t remember any of the events that led me to a conscious look at my life, but one morning I woke up with an urgent need to change myself.

On the one hand, I experienced relief. I felt it was the right decision. On the other hand, the fear of change.

What to change? Where to begin?

Fortunately, I was lucky and my desire quickly resonated with the outside world. I love to read, therefore, entering the book portal, I immediately noticed the book by Stephen Covey - "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", which radically changed my perception of the world. Now, when a difficult situation arises in my life and there is a need for advice, I buy the first book on which my eyes stop.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People was one of the first books that led me to realize that I had long been dissatisfied with my life. The coaching approach began to integrate smoothly into my life. I started asking myself open-ended questions requiring a detailed answer.

I remember the first question I asked myself: "Why are you unhappy with your life?"

I deliberately decided to write down the answers to it on paper so as not to miss important thoughts.

“I’m a loser,” “I envy other people's luck,” “I don’t like to wake up early in the morning,” “I’m tired of people.” Various ugly thoughts arose in my head and were transferred to paper, but in the end I wrote a phrase that resonated with me internally. "It!" - my intuition prompted me. “I hate my job and I’m wasting my life.” Relief again. Suddenly I realized that by changing the field of professional activity to a more interesting one, I will fill my life with many events and new acquaintances.

Today, when working with other people, I go to the very depths to get to the basic statement from which all changes begin. One question "why are you unhappy with your life?" not enough. You need to ask yourself a lot of clarifying questions. This is how the Why Exercise was born.

Exercise "Why?"

It is extremely rare to immediately identify the root cause of dissatisfaction with your life. Therefore, there can be many questions starting with "why" until you get to the correct answer. Let's take an example:

Why am I unhappy with / on my life? - Because I have no money.

Why is there no money? - Because I'm not lucky.

Why are you unlucky? - Because I am not appreciated.

Why are you not appreciated? - Because there are no results.

Why are there no results? - Because I do not want to achieve them.

Why don't you want to achieve? - I'm tired of my job.

Why tired of work? “She no longer brings me joy.

“Work no longer brings joy” is likely a starting point.

I warn you right away, the answers may be unconscious. When the “victim” syndrome turns on, we also begin to blame the world for all the troubles. The main task is to get to the bottom of it. When the irritation and desire to blame others go away, a constructive response will come.

It is important to focus on inner feelings and get to the root cause of dissatisfaction with your life. All problems are related to four areas of life: family, work, personal life or the spiritual area.... The definitions are different for everyone, so you need to choose a statement that finds the maximum internal response.

There is an affirmation, now an idea is being born for a new life scenario. You make a plan for what needs to be done in the very near future. I advise you to write at first in an enlarged manner, and then move on to the details. I'll tell you about a clever results planning technique I borrowed from a colleague. Let's take a look at a specific example.

Consolidated and detailed action plans.

Let's imagine that globally you need:

• Find a new job;
• Improve qualifications;
• Workout;
• Eat properly;
• Provide life balance.

You have received a plan with destinations, but the route to them has not yet been laid. And this is precisely the main reason why what has been planned is not being implemented. Now, here's a plan that drives action.

What does it take to find a new job?

A) decide on a professional goal: when? - date;

B) view vacancies - (date);

C) change the resume - (date);

D) compose a cover letter (date);

D) send to employers (date).

What you need to improve your qualifications:

A) prioritize which skills need to be strengthened (date);

B) choose a course (date);

C) reserve a place, make an advance payment (date).

Concrete actions + implementation deadlines are important. When will you start? When will you finish?

With work, the example is clear. Take it and act, be proactive.

But what if the main reason for dissatisfaction with life is the absence of a "second half." In this case, the planning of the goal and activities consists in the fact that you influence it not directly, but indirectly. All actions are directed not to a specific object, but to events that will create conditions for you to acquire a "second half".

Think about what might be helpful for meeting your person. Perhaps - a state of internal balance. If it is not there, you need to create it. Then answer the question: "What do you need for balance and balance?" Maybe emotional intelligence courses? Maybe it's time to find time for a hobby? Or work with an image maker? Can you accept an invitation to attend an event? Or move to another city? It is important to use your intuition and creative thinking as much as possible. And then turn large-scale goals into targeted actions.

Thus, an understanding of what needs to be changed, as well as a prescribed plan of action, launch a positive life scenario. A stable "white streak" of life is provided by everyday achievements, large and small, which will surely be.

Don't forget to celebrate big and small victories! It is very important to thank yourself and the world.

I wish you to write your own positive script and live in a stable "white line"!