Life from a different angle. You don’t know what this new will bring you

When we look at the world openly, we are able to forge closer and lasting relationships. Openness allows us to hear the interlocutor better and not hide our emotions. It makes it possible to better understand the interlocutor, his approach to life and views. One Habit Per Week teaches you to look at the world from a different angle and constantly learn to live.

Even if you have lived most of your life in your system of values ​​and beliefs, you can develop a more open view of the world. Here are some tips.

Explore other opinions

To develop an open mind, you need to learn new ideas and opinions. Talk about a variety of topics with friends, family, and coworkers. Start with general topics. For example, discuss a new movie or restaurant. Calmly perceive the opinions and thoughts of people on different issues. Then go to the next level. Start discussing more emotionally sensitive topics with them, such as politics or religion. Practice listening skills and keep your offensive tone in conversation. Listen to the other person with an open mind.

Try to make sure that in any of your conversations 70% of the time you listen to the interlocutor.

When we purposefully listen to our interlocutors and hear them, we can learn a lot.

Get to know something new all the time

An open gaze is formed more easily when you get to know different cultures, religions and places, not only in your home country, but also abroad. Step out of your comfort zone and explore the world.

Explore the world around you constantly. ...

Meet new people from different backgrounds and talk to them. If you have the opportunity to travel, visit new countries every couple of years, immerse yourself in the local culture. Try to avoid tourist hotels, restaurants and trips around the country - it is always more interesting to immerse yourself in a particular culture on your own. If traveling is difficult for you, attend seminars and lectures on world culture and traditions, read books and attend master classes.

Learn to overcome the volatility of life

This helps to free yourself from the burden of expectation that everything should turn out only "perfect" for you. There is no limit to perfection. Understanding that in every situation there are many options for solutions and they all have a right to exist is very important for happiness.

Trust in your ability to adjust, deal with changing circumstances, and move forward with confidence.

With this position, it will be much easier for you to cope with life's difficulties, as well as to plan your future correctly.

Established values ​​versus openness of mind

It is always difficult to give up the things we are used to, but do not think that you are betraying your values ​​or completely changing if you try to look at the world more openly. Remember: you must always be yourself.

Be curious, but always be yourself. ...

Comprehension of new experience, acquaintance with the destinies of others, with different views expand the horizons and open up new interesting perspectives for you. And this is the most interesting thing!

The exercise. Assessing the openness of your mind

Nobody wants to judge others, be blinkered or think only in stereotypes. But on one or another segment of our life, we all find these qualities in ourselves. Take a step back and think about who you are as a person and where the source of your thoughts is.

Answer the questions below to highlight aspects of your personality that are worth paying attention to.

In which area do you have your strongest views?
Do you remember your wrong or overly harsh judgments?
Where did they come from? Are they based on your past experiences, upbringing, something you've heard or read about?
Do you think that these harsh judgments of yours are 100% fair and accurate?

Try to get rid of the "hackneyed" thinking and open yourself up to new achievements. For more tips on new habits, health, great memory and high performance, see One Habit Per Week.

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An excerpt from the book by the psychologist Ekaterina Murashova "Treat or Love?"

It's very easy to fool me, ”the woman warned and smiled. Pretty charming.

I smiled back.

I haven't even started yet. Not enough information.

The information was immediately released. Everything, in general, is simple.

She was always "thrown" by everyone. From best friends to the weather and humanity in general. All undertakings ended in failure. If she finds a good job, then the office ceases to exist after two months. If he meets an interesting man, it turns out that he is a newcomer and due to circumstances he desperately needs a St. Petersburg residence permit. If she puts money in a bank, the bank will be revoked and bankrupt almost immediately. If she comes to a stop, then the trolley bus she needs drives off before her eyes. If she takes an umbrella in the morning, then the weather is good all day. If he doesn't, then ... okay? She doesn't blame anyone for anything. It is clear that something is wrong with her herself. But what?

Let's say that she does not have enough intelligence to understand the reliability of banks and the decency of men. But the weather and everything else ?!

The woman was pretty and well dressed. Her figure is clearly familiar with fitness and dieting. To put money in an unreliable bank, you must have it. All in all, it's not that bad. But she wants to talk, discuss, maybe even really change something in herself.

Probably, now I need to tell you about the family in which I grew up? the woman offers busily.

She has clearly watched films, maybe read something, has formed an idea of ​​how psychotherapists work, and expects me now to start living up to her expectations. Alas! - I think. - Now I will treat her in the same way as the bank, men and the weather (and in a sense, I will also live up to expectations). "I'll throw" her.

You are absolutely right, I say. - Something in your life strategy needs revision. And it is quite possible that psychotherapy can help you with this. But why did you go to the children's clinic? Look, I have on my wall the phones of the nearest psychological counseling centers for adults and the phone number of the Harmony Center. If that doesn't suit you, you can do it online.

I usually work with children or families. And in nine cases out of ten I remain in a very narrow framework of psychological counseling. This is my conscious choice. Of course, I studied analytical and other methods of modern psychotherapy, and even separately - hypnosis. When I was just starting to work, I was amazed to find that teenagers, for example, go into a trance state almost at the snap of their fingers. But what to do about it? In most cases, I do not find it necessary (and, to be honest, I’m just afraid!) To go deep into the structure of the personality, and even more so - to change something there. Modern psychotherapy with its several thousand described methods is half art, one quarter shamanism, and the remaining quarter - guess what? ..

I admire the genius of Freud, the talents of Jung, Perls and other luminaries. I deeply respect my many colleagues who work almost exclusively by methods of deep therapy and are ready for the client's money and at his request to build constructions of exceptional grace for years. and whimsicality. To believe in their objective existence, to convince a person of that, to rebuild these constructions together and sometimes thereby really solve some problems. In any case, the client is guaranteed something like a psychotherapeutic massage of the personality. I know that a woman who turns to me has a place to go. Still, I'm a little embarrassed.

I have a daughter, ”the woman says. - She is twelve years old. Recently she asked me: "Mom, why am I such a failure?" And I was scared: what is this - hereditary? Or maybe infectious?

Everything, I got caught! - I thought to myself. - Now, as a sweetheart, from the interests of the child, you will listen to how the aunt was treated in her own family and the detailed history of her monotonous failures with men.

Tell me about your daughter, ”I asked sadly.

As I expected, it turned out that the girl was fine. Decently studies in a good school, has girlfriends, is happy to study additional English and goes to a theater group. But with girlfriends all the time some sort of showdown, and teachers are unfair to her. Another will get five, and she will only get four for the same.

So! - I said decisively, when the woman hastily finished with her daughter and prepared with taste, sensibly, with an arrangement, with an eye on the Electra complex to tell me about her relationship with her father. - I give a special psychotherapeutic exercise. Perform once a day, after dinner. Since you still have not died in agony under the fence, but are quite alive and adaptive, it means that sometimes you are still lucky. Therefore, at the end of each day, find three cases of daily luck, tell them out loud to your daughter and write them down in a special notebook. End the description of each case with the phrase: "I was lucky!" Any, even the slightest, luck will do. Then bring the notebook to me.

Yes, I don't even have three cases!

Will pick up!

Is it necessary to tell your daughter? It's the same with me.

Necessarily!

She gave me the notebook, giggling. I took it, began to read aloud (the handwriting is large, beautiful, like from an excellent girl) ... In the end, she also broke down and laughed. My aunt is an accountant by profession, but in general, it seems to me, she could earn extra money by writing texts for modern humorous programs. Here are some samples: “This afternoon three apartments were robbed on our site. Drug addicts were probably in a hurry. They only took a little money from us, an old laptop and my daughter's earrings from under the mirror. Grandma-neighbor was hit on the head. They took him to the hospital. My daughter and I were not at home. We were lucky, we could have gotten hit on the head too! "

“Today I slipped on the ice under the snow and fell on the way to work. A decrepit old woman was walking right behind me. What if she fell? Probably a hip fracture. I would have to call an ambulance, take her to the hospital, look for relatives. I would have missed the whole day, and so only a bruise on my thigh. I was lucky! "

“Today it turned out that the cool guy whom Lyalka took from me at the New Year's corporate party infected her with three sexually transmitted diseases at once. I was lucky! "

And what about the daughter?

At first she laughed, now she also began to write this, about the school. She's even funnier. I read it in the theater studio, the head said: we will stage! - Do you still consider yourself a failure?

No, it seems, but what is it?

To some, but what is there, to many people, ordinary life seems too ordinary. I want to be special. But for one reason or another they cannot become cosmonauts or robbers. So they are rebuilding reality for yourself. Just a little bit ... I remember one episode from the memoirs of Isadora Duncan: she comes to a very rich European woman to ask for money to build on a desert rock in Greece something like a temple where barefoot girls in white clothes will dance beautifully (Duncan is sincerely sure that this is very important). And she answers her: ah, dear, this is some kind of nonsense and in general I have no time for your ventures - I seriously work with Dr. Jung and every day for five or six hours I write down the dreams that I had that night.

Hee hee hee! Are you saying that I am like them - Duncan and this rich woman? - the woman is clearly flattered.

I nod silently.

Tell me, is it possible to rebuild this reality for something else? Not a failure?

You can of course choose! I offer generously. - Judging by this notebook, you are a talented person.

I would like, until I get old, to be a little ... well ... a femme fatale, or what?

Perhaps. Quite. But, of course, you have to work. For about fifteen minutes I’m ready to listen and discuss your plan.

Fifteen minutes later, she left, already a little transformed. Licking my lips on the go. And I realized that Lyalka (even when she is cured) - nothing shines.

Our performance can directly depend on the audience around us. It is also worth noting that those present can influence both positively and negatively. For example, if there is someone nearby, then the person will do much better what he already knows how to do than what he is not familiar with at all.

Psychologist Robert Zayonts noted that observers act as a causative agent, because it is impossible to predict their reaction. Here you can cite knowledge of the business and novelty. In the first case, it will be easier to overcome psychological barriers and fear of evaluation, and in the second, everything will be much more difficult.

1. Placebo effect

To put it simply, a very good self-hypnosis. A placebo is a dummy, a medicine with nothing inside, it is given as an effective remedy. A person starts taking the drug, waiting for some changes ... And suddenly the condition improves. This is called the placebo effect.

1. Spotlight effect

By nature, each person tends to think about himself, how good he is, and also to increase interest in himself from the people around him. Consider an example: you are walking down the street and suddenly you stumble. It would seem that nothing unusual happened. However, at that very moment, you get the feeling that a huge searchlight is hanging above you, and its single ray focused the eyes of others on your person.

In fact, everything is much simpler. Only a few people noticed your awkwardness, and even they did not attach much importance.

1. Naive belief in justice

A fairly large number of people naively believe that the world is ruled by justice and in the end good will triumph over evil, and all positive and negative characters will get what they deserve. Remember, for sure a similar situation arose with you when trouble happened to some bad person, and you thought it was to him for everything he did.

This is how a person is arranged, he needs to know and believe that justice will prevail. Everyone calls it differently, but the essence remains the same.

1. Google effect

We have become so lazy that we do not memorize elementary information, this is no longer necessary. And all because it can be found on the Internet at any time. Previously, searches took hours, or even days: you had to get up and go to the library, choose a book and look for information in it. Now everything is reduced to a minimum, it is enough to make a couple of mouse clicks. The brain does not perceive what enters it, because it thinks that it is not necessary, because there is always Google at hand.

1. The paradox of choice

Sometimes, when we need to choose something, we find ourselves in an impasse. And as it turns out later, a lot is not always good. The big alternative leads to suffering rather than relief.

First of all, you need to understand what is the difference between each of the elections, what are their pros and cons. At this stage, the torment begins. As a result, it may turn out that there is no pleasure from the chosen option, or it was not possible to stop at something at all.

1. Barnum effect / Forer effect

When we think that any description of a person was brought out especially for us, we believe that it is absolutely correct.

In 1948, psychologist Bertram Forer conducted an experiment among students. After passing the test, they handed over sheets of paper to process information that actually didn’t exist. The scientist created one description, one text, which somehow fit everyone because of its vagueness. All students one by one approached Forer and rated the received characteristic on a scale of five points. At the end, the average result was deduced: 4.26 points. This means that the participants rated the result quite high.

1. Pygmalion effect / Rosenthal effect

This trick is classified as a prophecy that comes true on its own. According to some sociologists, this is a kind of self-hypnosis, when a person's actions and actions are influenced by his expectations.

If a person thinks that he is sympathetic to the interlocutor, then the whole conversation flows in a completely different way: different manners, gestures, and so on. You can also consider the example of a manager and a subordinate. If the first assigns difficult, but quite feasible tasks to the second, then the employee copes much better and faster. It works both ways: if you expect failure or failure, then you will definitely come to this.

1. Bystander effect

If at the time of some incident there was a large crowd of people around, then you can not wait for help or wait for it for a long time, since everyone thinks that someone else will help.

When there are many eyewitnesses, then responsibility is automatically distributed among everyone, and for everyone it is actually lower than it might seem. And when there is only one witness, he understands that there is no one else to help and takes full responsibility for himself.

1. Focusing effect

It's very simple: focusing on some little thing, we do not see what is happening around. Because of such moments, it is possible to incorrectly assess the situation and come to a negative conclusion.

For example, for many people, a lot of money is the key to happiness. But why are they needed if there is no health, a loved one, or even time for something other than work?

1. Survivor bias

As mentioned earlier, a person draws the wrong conclusions, because he does not know the general picture or all aspects.

During World War II, an incident occurred that became a prime example of this effect. Statistician Abraham Wald had to calculate what exactly needed to be reinforced in the planes so that as many pilots as possible returned to base. Fenders, tails and other parts were found to be most often damaged. Someone suggested strengthening these particular parts. However, Wald suggested that aircraft with damaged engines simply did not make it to the base. He began to strengthen them and he was right.

That is, it would be wrong to take into account data only on surviving people, since the overall picture is different.

1. First impression effect

The first impression is something that cannot be repeated. An opinion about you is formed in the first minutes of acquaintance, and it is this opinion that influences the subsequent assessment of you as a person and the construction of a dialogue.

1. The Dr. Fox effect

1. Confirmation bias

Each of us has our own point of view. And we give preference to the information that confirms our thoughts, even if we are wrong. This trick is quite common, many have fallen for it.

1. Illusory correlation

In addition to, for example, justice, people believe that some things are somehow related to each other, although in fact they have nothing in common.

This effect created stereotypes such as that blondes are stupid. Or that two people might have a fight by sprinkling salt. All these examples and signs are illusory correlation.

A person attaches too much importance to any bright event, hence the wrong connection between two different things is built.

1. Halo effect

The assessment of a person is sometimes influenced by the general impression of him. For example, we met a good person, automatically we begin to think that he is good at everything, but also smart and attractive. Conversely, we consider smart people to be attractive and good. Projecting general opinion on specific qualities is wrong.

1. Tamagotchi effect

Do you remember this popular toy from the nineties? The shell is made of ordinary plastic, and inside is a favorite animal. The care was carried out at a strictly fixed time: feeding, treatment, and so on. And if they forgot about him, then he died. Of course it was bitter. Children got used to and fell in love with a virtual pet, but the feelings were real.

At the moment, the Tamagotchi has gone out of fashion, but it has been replaced by other addictive gadgets, worse than the one that was before. Only children are now dependent, but also adults. The consequences are also different: both positive and negative.

1. Veblen effect

To show their status in society, a person is inclined to defiantly make expensive purchases. This may seem counterintuitive to many of you, but it works. When prices rise, the demand for goods grows with them.

1. Imperfection effect

As strange as it sounds, “ideal” people are more repulsive than attractive. Never try to pretend to be someone you are not. People are more attracted to naturalness, even if you are a little clumsy. And if you know how to turn awkward situations into jokes, then this is a big plus.

1. Zeigarnik effect

This psychological trick is directly related to our memory. Scientists have found that an action that has not been completed will be remembered better by the brain than an action that has been completed.

If a person is carried away by something and he is interrupted, not being allowed to finish the job, then a kind of tension appears, it does not pass until the task is completed.

For example, you are busy with household chores and suddenly you are interrupted by a request to go to the store. After returning, you can easily remember what you were doing before leaving, since the task was not completed. The same technique is used in advertising: incompleteness and innuendo make the video to be remembered better.

1. Projection effect

People judge others by themselves, ascribing their qualities to others. For example, good-natured people believe that everyone around is sincere and open. And those who believe in justice think that everyone around them is just as fair.

1. Ostrich effect

Agree, it's more pleasant to learn good news, but you don't want to hear about bad news. But if suddenly this happened, then we are trying to escape from the details, not wanting to know them. That is, we actually hide our heads in the sand, without delving into the essence of what happened. However, as you know, ostriches do not do this. And if we take investors as an example, then they check their deposits as rarely as possible when the shares on the market fall.

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Skydive, sign up for Italian, go dancing, speak at a big conference. Everything seems to be very simple: say "yes" - and make all your desires come true. But it is often very scary to start. What if it doesn't work? Many unnecessary doubts and fears appear.

site I decided to tell you why you need to take risks, fight your fears and always say “yes” to a new one, using the example of famous movie heroes.

So you live life without regrets

Surely because of your fears you have said “no” to something new at least once. And then they really regretted the missed opportunity. Try to take risks. Yes, you will face difficulties on your way to new things, but living in regret is even more terrifying.

If Mia from La La Land had given up and created her own show, she might never have become a famous actress.

You don’t know what this new will bring you

Sometimes saying “no” to a new one, you do not know how much it would bring and how much you have lost. You don't know at all what can be useful to you in life. That's why Down with fears, it's time to act.

If in a film about the most famous wizard of all time, Harry got scared and refused to go with Hagrid to Hogwarts, how much Harry himself and the world of magic would have lost and how much you and I would have lost.

Often the experience gained makes a person look at things from a different angle. And this is a very important process. This reappraisal helps you to feel your life deeper and wider.

We all remember the boring Karl from the movie Always Say Yes. Its shell was impenetrable. But how abruptly his life changed after he began to say "yes" to everything new! This turned his world upside down and allowed him to look at himself differently.

You will surely gain self-confidence.

People who conquer their fears always attract success.... This victory gives the person the confidence that he can cope with everything.

If Albert from The King's Speech! threw everything halfway and did not triumph over stuttering, he would never have made such an inspiring speech to rally his people in a difficult time.

And you will have energy

One day Elizabeth realizes that she is living the life she did not want. She is emaciated. Therefore, she decides to go on a journey in search of harmony. Filled with energy, Elizabeth attracts not only new friends, but also her beloved man.

You only have one life

Remember, you only have one life. And in this life there should be no unnecessary fears and doubts. They prevent you from feeling the energy and happiness from every day you live. Your life shouldn't be wasted. To be afraid is stupid.

Rudy and Martin have nothing left to live, and they want to fulfill their last wish at any cost. Seeing the sea is such a simple desire. But they put it off all their lives.