In a difficult situation, only weaklings, but not men, become discouraged, despair, go into a binge and break down. It is difficult to "knock a real man out of the saddle". How to maintain fortitude and not hang your nose?

Any person has fallen into a difficult situation of grief, failure or loss in his life. Everyone knows the feeling of confusion, despair and hopelessness, the feeling of their own inferiority. Someone knows how to quickly cope with such a state and rebuild, someone succeeds over time, and some are "knocked out of the saddle" for a very long time, if not forever, consider themselves losers, broken by fate or circumstances, stop acting, live a full life , go into illness or binge, and maybe into depression. What to do?

Despondency is one of the deadly sins. This means that one should not succumb to panic, indulge in decadent moods, despair, lose hope and fall into a blues. It is very easy to proclaim, but very difficult to do. Let's try to figure out how not to indulge in despair and how to overcome depression. Maybe, after all, there are some ways to fight and overcome this difficult mental state.

1. Believe in yourself and your strength. It means knowing that you will endure and will be able to overcome a lot. Know that a lot depends on you, and you are not just a "cog". If it doesn’t work the first time, it will work out with the next try.

2. Soberly, honestly (in front of oneself) and realistically assess their capabilities and abilities. This means being aware of the level of your knowledge and skills, understanding that someone can be better than you. A balanced assessment will avoid disappointment and troubles, unnecessary and wasted energy. But does someone prevent us from becoming better, stronger, wiser, more professional? Nobody but ourselves.

3. Calm analysis of the situation. It is necessary to calmly, without emotion, evaluate the bad experience and understand what was done wrong, or - there was not enough effort, or maybe, on the contrary, too much. An analysis of the situation will give peace of mind, only in a balanced state can a constructive solution be found. And a calm, even state is no longer a blues.

4. Learn a lesson. This means understanding that failure is a harbinger of victory, and everyone has failure, but not everyone treats failure as failure. It's just EXPERIENCE. A tolerant attitude towards failure releases success. It is necessary to develop the habit of taking advantage of failure, this is one of the most important techniques for achieving success.

5. Get support - moral and professional. This means asking for help from close people - family, friends. And / or contact specialists - doctors, teachers, psychologists, spiritual teachers. Everyone needs support and help from loved ones in difficult situations. But, if you very often asked for help and exhausted the credit of trust of relatives and friends, then a difficult situation is just the case when you can take control of your destiny into your own hands.

6. Look for the positive in what happened. It is a known fact - as a result of the crisis, one very wealthy businessman lost $ 100 million. He has ONLY 100 thousand dollars left. He committed suicide. The loss of money was for him the loss of everything, even worse than the loss of life.

And now let's imagine an average citizen who didn't have a ruble and suddenly 100 thousand dollars! A lot of money! It turns out that this is how you look at it. They remained alive and well, everything is fine in the family - the rest can be experienced and overcome.

7. Do not break laws - state and moral. This will make it possible to live in harmony with oneself and with others, and will not lead to difficult and dangerous (and maybe irreparable) situations.

8. Distraction. Remember how Scarlett O'Hara said? “I’ll think about it tomorrow ...” An intractable, and maybe completely insoluble situation is not the whole life, it is only a part, albeit very painful. There should be a lot in life that “keeps afloat”. These are love, friendship, religion, nature, art (literature, painting, music, etc.), sports, hobbies. Find an activity that will distract you from your heavy thoughts, or simply do something else. It can be a general cleaning, renovation, something that will take all the time and effort. It is not for nothing that the people say that the morning is wiser than the evening.

Just do not "go" into alcohol and other similar pleasures. This will only drive the problem deeply, where it will be difficult to get it from, and even add a moral and physical hangover.

9. Avoid negative emotions, especially guilt and shame. These emotions are not helpers in solving difficult life problems. Negative emotions impede the full functioning of the brain, with them it is not possible to make the right decision at the moment. And the saddest thing is that negative emotions are the basis for the emergence of various addictions, alcohol, nicotine, drug, etc.

10. Take responsibility into your own hands. To take responsibility for yourself is to understand that only you are responsible for your life, its quality, personal achievements, and not to shift the blame onto colleagues, parents, teachers, bosses, etc. If you did something wrong, then try to correct the situation in word and deed - apologize, talk and explain your position, help to fix what you ruined.

11. Smile! If you feel very bad at heart, try to smile, and even through force stretch your lips into a smile. The body remembers that this position of the lips corresponds to a good mood, and surprisingly, the mood will begin to level out and even (!) Improve. The tension, emotional and physical, will begin to subside, the situation will no longer seem so insoluble or tragic.

Failures that haunt us can develop fear of failure and avoidance strategies. This means that a person will not strive to achieve success, but will abandon active actions and try with all his might to avoid failure. The worst news is that no one can help overcome this fear. But the best news is that everything is in our hands. We have a choice: either we grow huge weeds of fear, or we can sow the seeds of faith in ourselves and our strength. Good luck!

Every person goes through trials throughout life. Everyone knows what failure is in life. In this regard, people differ only in how they endure difficulties. Do they give up, despair, fall down, or are they thinking how not to give up, overcome problems and go forward with their heads held high!

If you don't want to be a failure, then these seven rules are for you.

Whining and complaining is a road to nowhere

Whatever happens in your life, never complain, neither to others, nor to yourself. This will not change the situation, but will make it even more sad. You will simply dissolve in your grief, and the further you go, the more you will drown in this swamp.

As trite as it sounds,. The one who complains the most ultimately achieves the least. There is no need to be afraid of failures, because they, like successes, are an integral part of our life.

Some people, in case of failures in life, stop their path, having suffered defeat, and no longer achieve anything because of fears, while others, at least 10 times will fall, but get up and definitely get what they want.

Have you read biographies of famous people? Everything was not always smooth for them, there were ups and downs, obstacles and successes. If, after the first failure, they fell into a deep depression, then they would hardly become those whom we see on screens, in magazines, newspapers. If you don't complain or give up because of failure, you can achieve a lot.

Regardless of what result you come to, ultimately, you need to be happy no matter what. Happiness is a constant. If from such elementary things as the beauty of a sunset, dawn, the smell of dew in the morning, a smile on the face of a person soothed by you, then you really live!

Every little battle is a step forward

It is important to understand that the struggle is not an obstacle on the way, this is the way. If your every day is not filled with battle, then you will stand still.

Remember, a person cannot stand in one place for a long time, he either develops and moves forward, or begins to fall down. It is up to you to choose which of these two paths will be useful and necessary for you. Even if you fail, it is also a rewarding experience.

Very often, in order to achieve what you want, you need to leave your comfort zone, sacrifice something, because nothing comes easy. To do this, you need to have patience - to maintain a good attitude, working hard to achieve the goal.

All obstacles are a test of endurance, and if you want to succeed, then, step by step, stumbling, you will come to your goal.

Pain is part of growth

Sometimes life closes doors for you, but that's only because it's time to move. This is not bad, because often in order to move, we need the circumstances that force it to start. A rolling stone gathers no moss. This wise saying should motivate you like nothing else.

Pain can hurt, but pain can change you, change you for the better. She is never without a goal, she brings a lesson, thanks to which further movement in life will be literate and bring a lot of joy.

You need to be patient, because you want to be satisfied with your life. It is almost impossible to cope with failures in life without trying. Don't give up because of setbacks, stay always patient and confident in your abilities, and everything will work out.

Negativeness from other people, no reason to give up

Many people, for various reasons (envy, their own failures in this field, misunderstanding, other views on life), may speak badly about you, about your undertakings, but never let other people's conversations and views ruin, change you and your goals.

If you want to succeed, are confident in the correctness of your actions, then, no matter what others say, do not be afraid to fight for what you believe in and what changes your life for the better.

You should not care about the opinions of others, people will always speak no matter what you do, what you strive for, how you live. If I speak badly about you, continue to be yourself, and the attempts of others to change your views, your path. Remember rule one? Never complain to yourself or to others.

Don't change to please people or to impress someone who thinks you are not good enough. You won't please everyone, and you don't need to please anyone in terms of your chosen lifestyle, interests, appearance and much more. Change if it makes you better, kinder, stronger, the rest is false.

Scars are a symbol of struggle, and, therefore, success.

The presence of scars seems to tell you: “I fought, I experienced pain, I survived. I have become stronger, which means I have the strength to go further! "

Do not be ashamed of the scars of your life, they are just another proof that pain can change you for the better. Without them, you would have stood still, and you would not have achieved anything in life, you would not have become stronger.

Everything is temporary

The night does not last forever, after it comes the morning, and after the rain the sun peeps out, making it clear that everything is temporary. In this regard, all people are equal, everyone has alternating black and white stripes in life.

So while everything in your life is good, sincerely enjoy it, and when the hard times come, do not worry, because this is also temporary, this is the cycle of life. If you know how to be happy, always smile, in spite of worries and storms.

Go forward

What should happen to you, one way or another, will happen. You just have to say to yourself: "!"

Do not be afraid to make mistakes, take risks, seek your happiness. Life often brings surprises, and it depends only on us how we perceive them and how we use the knowledge that we already have. Don't be afraid of failure.

Appreciate your life, enjoy every moment of it. Drop doubts, questions, complaints, fear of failure in life. Do your best, and life itself will tell you how not to give up, and will lead you to where you should be at the moment.

Complete despair: how to survive the storm of life

September 22, 2017 - 2 comments

Complete despair overtakes when the irreparable happens and it seems that nothing can be changed. How to live on, when bitter despair and longing torment the hearts of those abandoned by loved ones, how to survive despair for a person who has lost his job or livelihood and is seized with panic. But the most hopeless may be the despair of those who are tired of struggling in search of the meaning of life. When despair sets in, the future seems to be shrouded in utter darkness.

Let's try for a moment to move away from difficult experiences and together see what caused the strongest despair, because understanding the reason, we also find a fulcrum. How to find a way out and overcome complete despair - we deal with the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

If despair is such a universal feeling, is it possible that the remedy for fighting despair is just as universal? It happens.

Yuri Burlan reveals how the human psyche is structured, and these realizations about ourselves and others, about the reasons for our actions and reactions, in an amazing, but quite natural way, give ground under our feet. Increase resistance to stress and allow you to get through a difficult period. You realize why you feel bad, and you see your reserves, which in a state of complete despair can be difficult to feel. Let's look at the problem of complete despair with examples.

A state of despair in a person who has lost love

A super-emotional and sensitive owner of the visual vector can be desperate to break an emotional connection, the loss of a loved one. And the stronger the connection was, the closer was the one whom the eye had lost, the stronger the despair of the person would be. Despondency sets in, it seems that love will never succeed. It is impossible to be in such a state for a long time, and then despair can be replaced by complete apathy in relation to love, a person can never love anyone in his entire life.

When this kind of despair overtakes, what should a desperate spectator do? Realize your nature, features, your purpose in this world with the help of systemic knowledge about the psyche. And although in moments of complete hopelessness and despair the whole world is not sweet, it is worth making an effort on yourself, getting out of the shell of experiences that, in fact, are focused on yourself, and being able to direct all your emotionality, pressing with pain from within, to help another. Surprisingly, this changes everything.

For a visual vector with an innate desire for compassion, empathy, for love, this is the only sure way to get rid of the feeling of despair at the thought that love is lost forever.

Here's what those who were able to overcome the despair of breaking an emotional connection write about it:

“… I was terribly afraid of him, to a palpable uncontrollable tremor in my legs and arms, to a slight fainting. And at the same time it was an emotional and sexual addiction that went away imperceptibly and forever. I really wanted to leave, left him. And it started ... I started the training at the most decisive and difficult moment in my life. He was already barely restraining his aggression.

Everything I heard at the training was not at all surprising, everything is so natural and real ... And at some point everything changed, I became the owner of the situation. From nothing - into strength and desire to live. Unconsciously, even then (only now I realized this) I stopped provoking him altogether, and moreover, at critical moments I said what he liked so to speak. And thus she protected herself. ... "

Desperate condition of a person who has lost money

There are completely different reasons for despair in a person with a skin vector. Skinners are rather secretive, and it is not often possible to hear their requests for help, but still they can experience complete hopelessness from not knowing what to do next.

For the owner of the skin vector, it is very important to live better than others, to be the first in everything. A very important indicator of such a life is money. And if suddenly the leatherworker cannot earn enough money in any way or for some reason loses the earned capital, this can plunge him into despair for a long time. A complete lack of understanding of where to go next makes life on the verge of despair not life, but existence.

When this kind of despair overtakes, what is the unfortunate leatherman to do? Deep despair in a person with a skin vector occurs in the same way as in a viewer - from the fact that a false idea arises about the impossibility of getting to his feet. It seems that along with money and position in society, some important part of oneself is lost. However, it is not.

You can fight these obsessive thoughts with the help of full awareness of your properties at the training of Yuri Burlan System-Vector Psychology. Inborn qualities and properties do not disappear anywhere under the influence of external factors. Fear, complete uncertainty about the future and one's actions may appear, but the qualities received at birth as a person remain with him forever.

A person in despair: a way out of a bad state

To summarize, you can give a small list of tips for the owner of any vector in the case when despair overcomes:

• understand the reason that led to despair, at a deep, unconscious level (at the level of vectors and innate properties);
• to realize their natural properties - this will allow you to find ways to slowly go out, to realize yourself;
• act.

The most difficult thing is complete despair is experienced by a person with a sound vector who suffers from a sense of the meaninglessness of life. When despair is pressed and the sound engineer does not know what to do, destructive methods can be used. For example, drugs. If the spectator can find love, and the leatherman can find money in the world around us, then the sound engineer, in search of the meaning of life, can experience complete despair, because it seems that everything has already been tried, but nothing fills him with a sense of meaningfulness.

At Yuri Burlan's training in System-Vector Psychology, a person with a sound vector finds answers to questions of interest. So, as many have already done.

There are all kinds of things in life. And sometimes it gives us one unpleasantness behind the other. Diseases, cops with loved ones, losses, problems at work. It so happens that bad events go in a deep layer, and then a person experiences despair, helplessness, disillusionment. It starts to seem that life has no meaning, no strength at the end.

I am writing this article for those who are in despair, as well as for those who want to help their friends and loved ones, if they have gotten into trouble. And I write it in the form of short and, you can say, banal, recommendations. These guidelines will help you to structure what people think about in front of problems and problems. If you, while in a difficult situation, actually follow at least one of these recommendations, then your position will be unavoidably improved.

____________________

When people come to me, their despair is expressed in such words: "I blame myself for not being able to do anything. I don’t believe that my life can change at all. I don’t believe that I can ... So I want to know that no one can see and hear life. "

Paradoxically, but I am happy when I hear such words. This always means that a person wants to move further, that he looked out of the box and found the courage to look in his face with his own mind. Psychotherapy with those who can no longer tolerate the current community is a great success.

A person who doesn't even know what he wants, but knows that something is going to be changed in his life - always needs to move forward. After a period of despair and other difficult experiences, the forces gradually recover, however, it is important to overcome this state, and do not get into the dream.

So what to do, if you are in despair, y Bac depression, or do you feel that you are on the verge of a breakdown?

1) Bo-first, banal, but fact. This is what works. Read the situation... Happily, you remember the idea of ​​three blind men, and just how they felt the dream. One thought that the elephant looked like a snake, the other - on the wall, the third - on a rope, feeling the tail of the elephant. When evaluating the sityaatsii, do not concentrate your attention exclusively on one aspect - only on the bad (or only on good). Try to capture everything in a whole, with an unpretentious gaze of an outside observer. And be honest. Don't let yourself be that y Bac is not all that bad. Do not think that if you go to a cheap company with yourself, using the phrase "it used to be worse", then something will be better. Fast forward. Once you know that the situation is bad, you can search for the pecs in order to improve the situation.

2) Bo-second - wear! Let yourself be weak. Allow cee to brush. The more you try to "keep yourself in the arms", the faster your strength will end. If the same you quite aptly "run the nuns", then a part of the voltage will go away, and a part of the forces that were previously spent on what to maintain will recover.

3) B-third. Think, in the current situation - what or who can serve you as support... Whom you can rely on, with whom to share your problems. Get help, look for it! It is not excluded that in your environment there are people who have come across exactly the same problem, like you, and know fast and effective solution. If you are silent and don’t start looking for support in the outside world, then, perhaps, you don’t use a good chance of quickly resolving it with nothing. Life is unpredictable, and it is impossible to guess from which side one can come to help.

4) Part four. Happen a bit of power to improve your mental state... This can be done with the help of a physical load (for example, walk 7-8 km on foot, ride a bicycle, run through the station). The principle is simple: the more the body is loaded with pleasant business, the more the consciousness is "loaded". If you are constantly thinking about problems, then there is a risk to get lost in such thoughts and bring yourself to the limit.

In that case, if the physical load is not possible (contrary to the indication or simply does not have enough strength and willpower), then try to find something to get It will be a computer game, a short budget trip to another city, shopping - all that is necessary, the main thing, so that Bac would like to do it.

By mozhete poppobovat poceschat obschectvennye mecta - chodit in bacceyn (otlichno cnimaet telecnoe nappyazhenie, kotopoe neminyemo voznikaet in pezyltate vozdeyctviya ctpeccovyh faktopov) ydelite vnimanie cebe, cvoey vneshnocti.

If you feel that you are not able to get along with yourself, nothing will help you - use a qualified food service (safe or clean) Mental equanimity grows faster and easier than before you start caring for yourself.

5) And recommendation number five: develop a national action plan... Think about what y Bac are pecypses. What can you do immediately to improve the situation, and what can you do afterwards. If it is impossible to do certain things right now, then stop thinking about it and spend too much time on yourself. Write down the action plan on the paper, on the block, and choose a specific date when you can make the plan.

As the saying goes, "The best in the press is that which it finishes on its own or afterwards." The same applies to the "black band" in life. Pao or later it goes... Riding with difficulties on our own path, we will inevitably learn something new. We accept life in a different way, start philosophical attitudes towards what would have caused painful experiences. Never before it is impossible to understand, "for what" or "for what" we will fall out like this.

Odnako life mydpaya shtyka and vozmozhno in bydyschem nam ponadobitcya ymenie kontsentpipovatcya, ymenie nahoditcya in pozitsii nablyudatelya, dyshevnoe pavnovecie, kotopye in konechnom itoge obyazatelno ppiobpetaet chelovek, ppohodya chepez zhiznennye neypyaditsy.

(after the Monk Silouan the Athonite and Archimandrite Sophrony)

First, let us quote from the well-known book of Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) “On Prayer”: “From my experience I can say: there are two kinds of despair: one is purely negative, destroying a person spiritually and then bodily. The other is blessed. I never stop talking about him. ”

Elsewhere, in the book “Elder Siluan”, Father Sophrony adds: “The enemy-devil acts differently with those who accept him, and differently in relation to those who are fighting. The other is the suffering of proud despair, and the other is the pious soul, when God allows Satan to wrestle with the soul. This last temptation is extremely difficult and rarely tolerated. ” Not much has been written about this latter condition; I would like to draw your attention to the connection of such a state with the suffering of the biblical Job.

The many years of asceticism, the spiritual authority of Father Sophrony, whom many revered as an elder, and the depth of his creations do not allow simply dismissing these words about blessed despair, which are not easy to perceive, but require serious thought.

Destructive despair

When they talk about despair in Orthodoxy, most often they mean the first of the kinds of despair indicated by Father Sophronius - “purely negative and destroying a person” despair as one of the most serious sins (according to the “Dictionary of the Living Great Russian Language” by V. I. Dal, despair - it is hopelessness, the deprivation of the last faith and hope.

Let us first consider in more detail this kind of despair that destroys man. As Bishop Barnabas (Belyaev) notes, among people leading a spiritual life, this destructive despair is also of two kinds: the depth of hopeless grief and hopelessness.

Another kind of despair comes from pride, when a person who has fallen into some kind of sin does not want to humble himself and admit that he deserves a fall. From the first kind, temperance and a warm hope in God heal, and from the last - humility and the fact that no one condemn ”.

And here is how Father Sophrony describes this state: “As long as pride is strong in a person, until then he can be subjected to bouts of especially painful, hellish despair, which distorts all ideas about God and the ways of His providence. A proud soul, dwelling in painful suffering and the darkness of hell, considers God to be the culprit of its torment and thinks of Him as immensely cruel. Deprived of genuine being in God, she evaluates everything from her painful and suffering state and begins to hate her life and, in general, the entire being of the world.

Staying outside the Divine light, in her despair, she reaches the point that the existence of God Himself begins to appear to her as a hopeless nonsense, due to which her repulsion from God and hatred of all existence are becoming greater and greater. "

The main reasons for such despair are offended pride, fear of public shame if they find out about a committed crime, fear of punishment, the collapse of ideals or planned enterprises, hopeless love, and so on. In the most severe cases, despair can drive a person to suicide.

It should also be noted that many Holy Fathers spoke about the need to struggle with passions (spiritual warfare) and that passions can be sent to us for spiritual improvement. Our struggle with passions is more pleasing to the Lord than a complete absence of passions, dispassion. We know, for example, the testimony of the Monk John Kolov, who at first begged God to be granted impassivity, and then, on the advice of the elder, asked the Lord for the return of battle and patience, for, as the elder said, “because of the abuse, the soul comes to prosperity ”.

The Monk Silouan gives a very instructive commentary on this episode, important for Orthodox spiritual practice, which is reflected in the Holy Tradition. The Monk John of the Ladder also points out: “Let the passionate, humbled ones be complacent. For if they fell into all the pits, and got bogged down in all the nets, and got sick of every ailment, but upon recovery they are luminaries and doctors, guides and mentors for everyone, declaring the types and properties of each ailment and by their experience saving those close to falling ”.

It is impossible not to mention here also an instructive incident, which is evidenced by the "Trinity Leaves from the Spiritual Meadow." We are talking about the appearance of the Monk Sergius of Radonezh to a man who was in despair and was about to commit suicide. This man was so shocked by the vision that he threw off the belt on which he had just wanted to hang himself, and went to the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, where he received consolation from Father Anfim. By prayer at the shrine of St. Sergius, he was finally comforted and left the monastery like a newborn baby. He looked at the world with different eyes, and his soul completely calmed down.

Experiencing destructive despair is dangerous, but not yet fatal. A person who has fallen into destructive despair can (and must) turn to God with a fervent prayer of repentance, and the Lord will certainly give him healing and new strength to continue spiritual warfare. This is how the Monk Isaac the Syrian writes about this: “If it happens to a person to fall into many different sins, may he not cease to care for good, may he not stop in his course. But even conquered, let him again rise up to fight his opponents and daily begin to lay the foundation for the destroyed building, until his very departure from this world ”.

In conclusion of this part of the article, it should be noted that, according to the teachings of the Orthodox ascetic fathers, the state of despair is closely related to sadness and despondency.

Despair "for God"

There is also a state of mind, outwardly, in its psychological characteristics, similar to the one described above, but fundamentally different. Here is how his father Sophrony describes him: “When for the first time a person, providentially abandoned by God, experiences the approach of Satan, then his whole being, both soul and body, is suppressed by great suffering and fear, which cannot be compared with the fear of criminals and murderers, because there is darkness in him eternal doom.

The soul then knows what the devil is; learns the power of his cruelty; and struck by the colossal nature of the evil standing before her, everything shrinks. From horror, despair and trembling, she becomes so exhausted that she does not find the strength to pray. She does not feel the Intercessor God with her, and the enemy says: “You are in my power ... But do not rely on God and forget Him; He is unforgiving. " At these moments, the soul, not wanting to accept the devil, or silently, without words, freezes with the thought of God, or, at best, finds the strength to call on the name of God. After that, she already learns that it is in this struggle that God exclusively listens to her. "

As many Church Fathers noted (in particular, the Monks John Cassian, Nilus of Sinai, Isaac the Syrian, St. Basil the Great, Gregory the Theologian, Gregory of Nyssa, etc.), sinful passions pervert the saving “moods of man, the psychological basis of which is imprinted in human nature as undoubtedly a useful tool, a condition favorable for the implementation of a person's religious and moral purpose ”.

These moods, as S.M. Zarin rightly emphasizes, arise in connection with the knowledge of the true good, on the one hand, and because of the consciousness of the viciousness of our life, on the other. They are supported by the contemplation of the bliss of Eternal Life and the striving for perfection. Contemplating the infinite ideal, a person not only feels more deeply and more clearly realizes the imperfection of human nature in general, but at the same time - and this is fundamentally important - begins to feel the imperfection of his own personality. In this case, this feeling becomes an active stimulus for the religious and moral development of a person.

The state described above in Orthodox asceticism is called sadness “according to Bose” (according to God, for God's sake).

According to the testimony of the Monk Isaac the Syrian, sorrow only in one case becomes useful for us, when it is sorrow "according to God." Sorrow “according to God” “arises from repentance of sins or from the desire for perfection, or from the contemplation of future bliss. A heart filled with sorrow about weakness and powerlessness in bodily, obvious deeds replaces all these bodily deeds. "

Sorrow “for God” is one of the essential and starting points of the Christian faith necessary for salvation. Its difference lies in the fact that it finds its religious and moral foundation, support and main goal in God. A person experiences an acute dissatisfaction with his condition (and at the same time feels the impossibility of changing this situation on his own) precisely insofar as this condition becomes a significant obstacle to the achievement of the only goal that is valuable to him - striving for God.

Thus, sadness in this “good” direction helps to maintain activity in a person, encourages him to an ascetic deed. This feat of all-round perfection is expressed both in the cleansing of a person from passions, and in the acquisition of the most important Christian virtues. The Monk Isaac the Syrian called this “sorrow of the mind” a precious gift from God.

The state of sorrow “for God” differs from the destructive passion described above in that a person with pain feels in himself a discrepancy between the desire of the soul for God and the desire to achieve this by his own strength. The main goal of his life becomes God, and not the satisfaction of his own thoughts, desires and passions and not concern for his earthly existence. Being in a state of “ordinary” sadness, a person closes in on himself, but sadness “according to God” most often leads to the acquisition of Divine grace (for it is said: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you (Matt 7: 7), and destructive passions of sorrow and despair without repentance can cause hopeless melancholy, apathy and inactivity, paralysis of will and abilities.

The spiritual state about which Archimandrite Sophrony writes and which is psychologically close to the state of despair, however, has its own essential characteristics. Such despair is based not on the fear of revealing secret sins and not on pride, but on an insatiable zeal for God. This is a more intense and acute manifestation of sadness "for God." For convenience of presentation, we will further call this state of despair “according to God”.

Saint Theophan the Recluse testifies to the spiritual state of a person close in content, speaking of the sacrament of repentance: “What characterizes him most (the sacrament of repentance - A. G.) is a painful fracture of the will. Man insulted God; one must now burn in the fire of the unwashed judgment. The repentant experiences the illnesses of those giving birth, and in the feelings of the heart in some way touches the torments of hell. In the repentant, now the horrors of almost despair, now the breath of the joy of mercy are replaced by one another ”.

Father Sophrony uses the terrible word “despair” to describe the ultimate suffering that a soul feels when it feels the grace of God and then loses it, in order to emphasize the power that this sorrow can reach “by God.”

The Monk Silouan the Athonite writes about this “despondency of the heart”: “When the Lord visits, the soul knows that there was a dear Guest and left, and the soul misses Him, and tearfully seeks Him:“ Where are You, my Light, where are You, My joy? Thy footprints are fragrant in my soul, but You are not, and my soul misses You, and my heart is sad and aching, and nothing more makes me happy, because I have offended the Lord, and He hid from me. " The Monk Silouan notes that the feeling of love and grace of the Lord is lost by us “for pride and vanity, for dislike for a brother, for condemning a brother, for envy, for a prodigal thought, for an addiction to earthly things,” etc.

As already noted, such a temptation is rarely allowed by God. Not all Orthodox believers are allowed to experience such intense suffering, such zealous sorrow "for God." This is confirmed by other spiritual writers. Thus, Saint Theophan the Recluse notes that the search for God occurs in different people in different ways: while for some it “is done zealously, quickly, fieryly”, for others, on the contrary, “things are going coldly, unhurriedly, and with great difficulty.” Archimandrite Sophrony obviously belongs to the first group.

Saint Theophan notes with regret that this first group is very small and rare, and such extreme zeal for God, which was later described in the writings of Father Sophronius, is rarely found among Christians. More often, a person, having ceased to feel the excitement of the grace of God, on the contrary, gets used to it, and again he falls into his usual mortal sins. “The more often these falling away occur,” writes St. Theophan, “the weaker the excitement becomes, because the heart seems to get used to it, and it passes into a series of ordinary phenomena of mental life.

Together with such belittling, it is from an energetic feeling more and more closer to thought, and, finally, passes into one simple thought and recollection. For the time being, this thought is accepted with consent, then it is only tolerated, though without displeasure, but coldly, without special attention; and then it already becomes annoying, they rush to sell it as soon as possible, and, finally, they feel unpleasantness and disgust from it; he is no longer loved, but hated, persecuted, persecuted. Accordingly, the conviction of the need for a better spiritual life falls ... ”

Proceeding from this, Saint Theophan urges all believers to make efforts to acquire the gift of God's grace and use for this the slightest thoughts about the need to “change their lives and become better in their affairs and internal dispositions”.

Perhaps such a state of “last despair for God” is given to some ascetics for a greater acquisition of the grace of God. In any case, we have no right to deny what we have not cognized.

It should be emphasized that Fr. Sophrony does not call anyone to experience a state of despair "for God." He only shares his experience, which he managed to survive with God's help. At the same time, although such a zeal for God, which was reflected in the works of Father Sophrony, is not typical for the modern world, it inspired many Orthodox Christians to continue their spiritual development and thus brought numerous fruits.

Inability to overcome spiritual obstacles on your own

The despair that Father Sophrony writes about, apart from constant zeal for God and constant striving for Him, has another reason - the impossibility of overcoming spiritual obstacles on our own. “Many times,” Father Sophrony notes, “I came to despair of myself because of my inability to stay constantly in the spirit of the commandments of Christ.”

“Seeing ourselves unable to overcome this death by our efforts, we fall into a kind of despair about our salvation. Oddly enough, but we need to experience this painful state - to experience it hundreds of times, so that it deeply engraves in our consciousness. We benefit from this experience of hell. When we carry this torment in us for years, decades, then it becomes a constant content of our spirit, an indelible ulcer on the body of our life. And Christ preserved the wounds from the nails of the crucifixion on His body even after the Resurrection ... "

The despair that Father Sophrony is talking about here is not despair in trusting in the mercy and grace of God, characteristic of destructive passions, but despair in a zealous, irresistible striving to achieve the ideal on his own. Father Sophrony calls this state “despair from himself”.

Each of us is familiar with the suffering that arises from the inability to solve the insoluble, to achieve the unattainable, to do the impossible. By itself, this striving does not carry a moral certainty. The moral assessment of this striving depends only on the direction of our will.

Having come to this situation, for some time we continue to make attempts to realize our aspirations on our own, but soon we lose them and realize the impossibility of achieving the planned result. This feeling, which is usually also called despair, was apparently experienced by Father Sophrony.

As S. M. Zarin notes, “according to the laws of psychic life,“ stormy impulses should be followed by a reaction in the form of a weakening, a decline of mental energy. And this decline, indeed, comes, expressed in new affective states of sadness and despondency ”(and the latter, as we have already noted, is akin to despair).

The Lord gave man free will, and He expects from us our own efforts in spiritual improvement. Such human efforts are, in particular, one of the most important conditions for spiritual warfare. Therefore, there is nothing sinful in these efforts themselves. But these own human efforts have their limits. The impossible for men is possible for God (Luke 18:27). A person in the process of his spiritual growth sooner or later begins to feel this. And the Holy Fathers felt it especially strongly and sharply. A serious internal contradiction arises that needs to be resolved.

Resolving the contradiction of despair from oneself “according to God”

“Graceful despair”, about which Father Sophrony writes, despair from oneself “according to God” finds its solution in the acquisition of the grace of God. Passing through severe spiritual suffering, through exhaustion, a person becomes spiritually purer, “more transparent” for God.

The resolution of “grace-filled despair,” spiritual cleansing is a gift from God. It is the Lord who sends His light, His deliverance, which so longs for, so earnestly prays the soul of the ascetic, feeling the impossibility of acquiring grace by his own strength and deeds: “It is far from joyful to see oneself as a 'beggar', to realize one's blindness, - testifies Father Sophrony. - It is very painful to hear the death sentence for myself for being the way I am. However, in the eyes of my Creator, I am blessed precisely for knowing my insignificance (cf. Matt 5: 3).

I have to see Christ “as He is” in order to compare myself with Him, and from this comparison feel my “ugliness”. Strong was and still is my loathing of myself. But out of this horror a prayer of special despair was born in me, plunging me into a sea of ​​tears. I did not see any way to my healing then; it seemed to me that my ugliness could not be transformed into a semblance of His beauty. And this crazy prayer, which shook my whole being, attracted the compassion of the Most High God to me, and His Light shone in the darkness of my being. Through the hell of my hopelessness came heavenly deliverance ... "

Many Holy Fathers and ascetics spoke of God's help, which comes at the most difficult and responsible moments of life, associated, in particular, with the refusal to rely only on one's own strength and with trust in God. Thus, Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov) emphasizes: "Your cross is vain and fruitless if, through following Christ, it is not transformed into the cross of Christ." “The cross is still burdensome as long as it dwells on its own. When he is transformed into the cross of Christ, he receives extraordinary lightness. "

Having received God's help and feeling His grace, the ascetic does not stop there. Having received a respite in spiritual warfare and the spiritual experience of self-condemnation, he, as Father Sophrony writes, “again goes to stand over the abyss”.

"Keep your mind in hell and do not despair"

The Monk Silouan the Athonite received a revelation from the Lord: "Keep your mind in hell and do not despair." For an ordinary person, including a believer, keeping the mind in hell is unbearable. However, incessantly praying for the whole world, the ascetic gradually acquires the ability to plunge into hell, without falling into a state of despair. There is no need to despair, the Monk Silouan testifies to this, "for the Lord is immensely merciful and loves us."

As Father Sophrony notes, only a few can keep their minds in hell and not despair. “From constant stay in this feat,” he writes, “the soul acquires a special habit and endurance, so that the memory of hell is so assimilated by the soul that it becomes almost permanent. The need for such constancy is caused by the fact that a person “living in the world and wearing the flesh” is constantly exposed to the influences of the sin around him, from which, like armor, the soul is protected by being humbled even to hell ”.

The ascetic with a special inner movement descends with his soul into hell, and the hellish fire scorches and burns out passions in him.

Explaining the revelation of the Monk Silouan “Keep your mind in Hell and do not despair”, Archimandrite Sophrony (Sakharov) writes: “Keeping yourself in Hell was not new for him. Before the appearance of the Lord, he [Elder Siluan] dwelt in him. New in God's direction - "and do not despair." Before he came to despair; now again, after many years of hard struggle, frequent abandonment of God, he experienced hours, if not despair, then still suffering close to him. The memory of the Lord he had seen did not allow him to the last despair, but the suffering from the loss of grace was no less grievous. Rather, what he experienced was also despair, but of a different kind from the first. For so many years, in spite of all the works that are extremely accessible to his powers, he did not achieve what he wanted and therefore lost hope of ever achieving it. "

“The blessed Elder Siluan said that many ascetics, approaching the state necessary for cleansing from passions, despair and therefore cannot go further. But the one who knows that “the Lord loves us a lot” avoids the destructive effect of the last despair and knows how to wisely stand on the brink of it, so that with the power of hellish flame he burns in himself all passion, but together he does not become a victim of despair ”. The Monk Silouan himself, as Archimandrite Sophrony testifies to this, sometimes, at the beginning of his spiritual exploit, also fell into despair, but, by the grace of God, he came out of it “with benefit”.

According to Father Sophronius, Elder Silouan plunged into hell, but "returning to the memory of God's love, he avoided despair." At the same time, “the ultimate human suffering endured by nature is combined with the ultimate bliss bearable by human nature”.

Archimandrite Sophrony writes that many ascetics “passed through the morbidity of spiritual hesitation, - through the torment of conscience from the consciousness of their depravity and untruth before God, - through destructive doubts and suffering struggle with passions. They knew the state of hellish torment, the heavy darkness of despair, the melancholy and sorrow of God forsakenness that defies description. " And in this struggle they gave birth to invaluable experience of spiritual warfare and humility. According to the testimony of the Monk Silouan the Athonite, "The Lord taught me to keep my mind in hell, and not to despair, and so my soul is humbled."

In conclusion, I would like to once again quote the words of Archimandrite Sophrony, which can summarize all of the above: “The Lord gave me the grace of despair; and even more than this: holy hatred for my sin, that is, for me, for myself, merged with sin, the stench of which is like poisonous gas. It is impossible to heal with your own efforts. With complete despair from myself, as I am, the only thing that remains is to rush to God with hopeless hope. "