Olaf jacobsen I no longer obey you. I no longer obey you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences by entering into a new relationship. Amazing transformations define our everyday life

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Olaf Jacobsen
I no longer obey you. Consequences. Balance of criticism and love

Ich stehe nicht mehr zur Verfügung. Die Folgen. Mit Kritik ausgeglichen und liebevoll umgehen

Published under license by Windpferd Verlagsgesellschaft mbH, 87561, Obertsdorf, Germany in 2001, with the assistance of Mediana Agency, Russia.

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet and corporate networks, for private and public use without the written permission of the copyright holder.

Chapter 1
Magic look

Overview

It's great that you are here!

Welcome to my personal reality.

Some of you are here for the first time, others are already familiar with the previous book "I no longer obey you" and are now reading its sequel; you do not have to recall what you read or specifically search for that book in order to read it first. I conceived this not only as a continuation of the first, but also as an independent work.

The previous book ended with the words:

“What I have described here is my reality. What is yours? "

It's the same here. You will be able to plunge into my reality and look at the world and at yourself in it - through my personal glasses. However, this time it is somewhat different.

To begin with, I will immediately provide an overview of the main topics. This will allow you to determine if you will ever read this book and if you really want to try on my glasses.

Next, I will expand on the proposed topics and provide special exercises, the implementation of which will help you get acquainted with various interconnections and interesting offshoots in order to develop my "magic" look. At the same time, many topics will appear independently of each other, and only at the end of the third chapter I will bring them together, and you will understand the whole relationship.

Let me give you a little instruction on how to read this book correctly.

So, if while reading your thoughts begin to go somewhere to the side, if the process of reading or understanding becomes difficult for you, put the book aside. Later, if you are curious about what is next, take the book again and continue reading.

If you read the book not in the order of pages, but selectively, in chunks or separate passages, rereading it again, you may begin to notice more patterns in your everyday life or discover something new in the book that you unintentionally missed earlier.

The exercises proposed in the book are compiled suggestively, therefore, it will be easy for those who strive for the goal to achieve which the exercise is aimed at. For those with different goals, it is advisable to look at them and at the exercises, as it were, from the outside, in order to determine whether these exercises correspond to his personal goals in principle. And in general, one should not forget that each person is responsible for every result of any of his actions or inaction, whether it is reading a book and performing the exercises proposed in it, or, conversely, refusing to read this book and the exercises proposed in it. Responsibility for the consequences - in both cases - rests only with you.

If you are already overcome by curiosity: "How will it all end here?" - and you want to shorten the process, I - no joke, quite seriously - recommend that you read the book right from chapter 3.

My overarching task as an author is to make you feel better in everyday life and learn to handle unpleasant situations more easily thanks to a new, magical look. Of course, there is no guarantee that this "magic" will be mastered by you, but in many respects it depends, you must agree, on your current reality, and on your further desires and actions.

The consequence of the publication of the previous book in 2007 was not only the enthusiasm of the readers, but also criticism, and in most cases - destructive. Constructive was extremely rare.

What is the difference for me personally between these two types of criticism? The word "constructive" describes the dictionary as "aimed at preserving, strengthening and expanding something already existing and for this purpose, offering something useful."

A constructive critic rarely generalizes; he speaks clearly, for example : “I cannot understand what you wrote on page 20. It seems to me somehow disconnected from everything else. From my point of view, it would be clearer if you ... " In comparison to such a statement, a destructive critic would formulate his claims something like this: "Your views are somehow scattered, as if torn!" He generalizes and claims that all my views are "like that."

A constructive critic examines everything in detail, can accurately substantiate his thought, explain a logical connection, or tell me about the experience that is hidden behind his reality.

The decisive moment here is that I emotionally openly perceive constructive criticism during his reasoning. He does not evaluate me personally, he has a calm, not irritated tone, he does not reproach me and is friendly. He is able to understand my position and accept it, formulate it in words so that I can adequately respond: "Yes, you noticed it correctly, that's how I see it."... He reports about his own reality not as dominant, but as equal with mine: "From my point of view, I would explain it this way ..." He seeks to be understood by me and therefore gives additional explanations, clarifies, so that I can better understand what exactly he means. He either convinces me - and then I expand my reality, or we agree that we disagree on something, and for both of us this is normal.

If I feel that the constructive critic misunderstood me, I can explain to him what exactly he did not understand. It is open to intense exchange until each of us understands each other. He recognizes and respects the opponent's point of view, at the same time I see that everyone has a willingness to learn something. Even if the critic has not yet understood correctly some aspect of my reality or has overlooked it, he is ready to find out at any time.

In accordance with my feelings, I would make the following summary of constructive criticism: "To openly strengthen what exists, without destroying or disrupting it."

How best to master this art is the topic of the book, the generalization of which can be seen starting with the section "Our magical relationship with destructiveness (final state)".

I recognize a destructive critic by the fact that, because of his written or oral statements, I begin to feel worse. I feel my energy and strength, my poise, leave me and disappear - into nowhere.

If I listen to him more deliberately or read his review carefully, I find myself condescending in tone, many generalizing language and attacks. What exists is understood by him incorrectly and is transmitted in a distorted manner, it is not recognized and not recognized, it is excluded, destroyed, deprived of dignity or devalued, in extreme cases it is despised.

I think there is nothing more to say about this. We are all familiar with this. And in this book we will talk about something else.

We decide not to surrender to any particular situation anymore. At the same time, we are beginning to feel finally better. It is at this point that our decision is destructively criticized by another person, attacked, or devalued. The consequences that we often have to face are the feeling that our inner energy is again vibrating in us, which was revealed after this decision.

We can transfer this to all other decisions and actions by which we deliver something good to ourselves. Imagine you have finally achieved a long-desired goal, found a solution, or made a liberating decision. You are happy, you are feeling great, you are having fun, you are enjoying life - and now you have to feel how other people react to it ... with criticism. Negative assessments make most of us feel bad about ourselves. It hurts us deeply. However, is such an insult really “normal”?

For many years I have been looking for a solution to the question of how to avoid self-destruction of a person at whom destructive criticism is directed. The impetus was given to me by the situation - I will describe it later - thanks to which I gained a new outlook, asking myself: "How do I feel if I am at the disposal of my ideal self?" And it worked. Suddenly I felt balanced. But, unfortunately, not for long. Something in me constantly returned to the old - habitual - train of thought. However, a few weeks after that, another discovery led to a breakthrough: behind the destructiveness, I saw a logical connection, which I will also talk about a little later. I saw destructiveness in a completely new perspective - it was a "magical" look - and I was finally able to free myself by learning to avoid being hurt by destructive criticism. This new angle overshadows everything before! What turned out to be new for me, I wrote down in the list below under points 6 and 7. This list contains all possible options behaviors that I have been able to observe in my own example when exposed to destructive criticism, including new opportunities. In the next paragraphs I will go into more detail.

How can I handle myself when faced with a destructive critic?

1. I defend myself and start counter-criticism.

2. I strive to explain myself.

3. I admit the correctness of the one criticizing me.

4. I am constructively - as feedback- I offer him an observation of how at the moment I perceive him and how I feel myself at the same time.

5. I no longer give myself up to this process.

6. I am left to my ideal self.

7. I use a "magic" look and fantasize about what the person criticizing me might really want.

And now a few additions:

To points 1-4 (I proceed from the fact that you yourself know these forms of communication from everyday life, but despite this, in the next chapters I will give you some interesting recommendations on this matter);

To point 5 (in the section "What miracles happened before" I will briefly repeat the most important topics from the first book "I no longer obey you");

To point 6 (the concept of "ideal I" denotes the ideal that you yourself would like to be; you can replace it with other definitions: "higher I", "my wise superconsciousness", "God", "wise Universe", "someone , understanding and loving "you and so on - the main thing that is meant by this" something "is the highest, ideal; thus, you feel understood, accompanied, loved and protected, you feel safe; I will reveal the concept of the ideal in Chapter 3 and at the end of the book I will make a generalization);

To point 7 (I will deal with this topic in the next section, here I will add only a couple of words).

In critical situations, children internally build a fantasy world in which they feel better. Adults also carry within themselves a reality that does not coincide with reality. Many scientific findings prove how differently we humans see the world. The testimonies of witnesses to accidents vary, the memory of the subjects can be manipulated, optical illusion dominates our everyday life, and, in fact, no person has a single chance to perceive "reality" as it is. We create only inner casts of reality, thus forming our own reality. Why then not immediately deliberately invent a particularly useful fantasy world? An invulnerable world is a world in which we have the freedom to color it according to our feelings. It can be a constructive fantasy world that fulfills the conditions below.

Target.

Integration. Our constructive fantasy world integrates everything that we already thought, knew, perceived ever in our reality until now. That is, this is not a brainwashing, in which certain aspects are obscured, and it does not serve to "break away", but to expand our reality, to make it even more extensive, because it is built on what is already there!

Understanding. We enjoy the feeling that we can experience moments of understanding thanks to the ability to mutually adjust.

Openness. We ourselves feel more inspired and creative, and therefore more capable of invention, than before. And as a result - more cheerful, open-minded.

Equilibrium. In our constructive fantasy world, we feel better than in our previous reality.

If we now look at the destructive critic and think about him, then of course we will not "know" how he feels and why he does what he does, and therefore I recommend classifying our assumptions about him as "part of our personal world fantasies ".

In this fantasy world, I picture to myself that deep down in the soul of a destructive critic there is a completely different message than the one that he conveys to me in words. As a matter of fact, the critic tells me: “I behave with you now the way other people treated me before. They hurt me deeply. But until now I have not yet met anyone who could show me how you can behave differently - freely and clearly. Show me! Be careful: I'm playing the evil guy, and you can show me what I can do to take this image and change. Help me!"

In my fantasy, the destructive critic is so strongly focused on the search for clarification that he can hardly distinguish between who wants to leave himself to him and who does not, who can really help him and who does not. He demands this from everyone who meets him and reminds him a little of the insult. To truly be able to play this angry and abusive role, he must project an earlier hurtful situation for him - now, through his fixed "brain maps" (see chapter 2). Now he himself plays the role of the offender and projects onto some of us the role of "defective", which he once had to live. So he is trying to stage the situation, which once hurt him in the past, with our participation. Therefore, he sees something different in what we do and say, he misunderstands us, and that is why we do not have the feeling that he really sees us. Of course, if we wish, we ourselves can learn to understand him, consciously observing what exactly he projects in the present and where he unconsciously seeks clarification.

Many people have been in this search for so long that they have become accustomed to it. Searching for and playing the role of "offender" could already become a moment of balance for them, and each clarification would cause some imbalance. However, I believe that deep down, these people are constantly striving for balance.

Problems are staged until they are finally truly resolved.

For this reason, the destructive critic in my fantasy always has Additional information for your interlocutor. He says: “And if you can't handle my behavior and pretend that everything is in order, it indicates that you yourself have a problem. You need to deal with this first.

If you figure this out, you’ll show me at the same time how I can solve my problem. However, it is important for me that I achieve clarification on my own - without your control or expectation. "

The highest peace we humans can experience is coming to terms with our own deep pain of loss. This is how I see it in my fantasy. If we were able to completely come to terms with our pain of loss, then from all our loving hearts we look at the world, at all people and at ourselves, and we feel a deep connection in all of our being: "Yes. It is what it is. "

From this flow for me four fundamental opportunities to move towards clarity in times of crisis.

1. The destructive critic lives with an unresolved old loss of connection and projects it onto his environment. Here I can learn to understand him if I correctly interpret his unconscious message. Perhaps he, too, is ready and able to tell me more about the reasons for his behavior. To do this, I need to ask him questions.

2. The destructive critic lacks information / point of view or ability. Here I can support him.

3. I myself live with unresolved old loss of connection and project it onto my environment. I can become aware of it again, free myself from pain or transform it into clarity, and thus come to terms with my loss.

4. I myself lack information / point of view or ability. This I can learn.

Summarizing these four possibilities gives the following conclusion:

We achieve further equilibrium, either when we understand exactly the reasons for the current imbalance, or when we master new information or abilities.

If we are faced with dire consequences or we have problems in relations with other people or with ourselves, we can always concentrate on the question:

"What is missing? Information, ability or understanding? "

The principal answer to it might sound like this: a view of universal interconnectedness (Chapter 3).

When I fully realized points 6 and 7 and their implications and "dived" into these possibilities, I felt a sense of peace. In my own openness and balance, I felt the impulse to write a book dissolve and disappear. Nothing more needed to be clarified, nothing more needed to be done. Like this.

"Write about this."

Constructive fantasy world

Now I live in Cologne (this is Ossendorf), a couple of hundred meters from the Coloneum, where many television programs are created, including shows "Big Brother"... When I jog in the morning, I run past the building in which this show has accommodated twelve people in one apartment, "stuffed" with video cameras - they are everywhere: behind the mirrors, on the ceilings. Many TV viewers are diligently watching what is happening in this apartment, where volunteers live in isolation from the outside world; they must somehow communicate with each other for seven months, carry out assignments Big brother, surrendering to the judgment of the audience, by the decision of which every two weeks someone is expelled from the apartment. The goal of participating in the show is to receive two hundred and fifty thousand euros at the end of the show. Of course, only one person can become the winner - the audience's favorite, who will live in an apartment with video cameras until the very - victorious - end; viewers will not vote against him.

Both the territorial proximity to this public community of residents and the topic I am working on in this book led me to actively watch on TV how the residents of the show apartment criticized each other and how they dealt with criticism in their address yourself. In the first weeks, I was shocked by the problem we know from the game "broken phone": Sabrina shares with Iris her opinion on Cora's behavior. Iris later retells Kore in her own interpretation of what Sabrina said. Cora is offended. If you compare the footage on the tape, which captured the words of Sabrina, and the footage where Iris transmits what she heard to Kore, the differences will be very noticeable! From the facial expressions and intonation of Sabrina, one can assume that she did not mean anything bad and did not criticize Cora; she only communicated her point of view. However, Iris introduces her own intonations into Sabrina's words, and therefore the initial information is distorted and transformed from neutral to criticism. The girl cannot literally convey, quote what has been said, and Cora, of course, is offended - precisely because of this; thus, stimulation is provided for the emergence in her of a stable opinion that Sabrina is negatively disposed towards her.

This can be observed often, if not constantly, in this program: one claims about the other that he is “fake” and is only playing “good”, but in fact has planned something bad. Now I can understand it well. Because if Cora, through direct contact, saw how friendly Sabrina was behaving towards her, and compared it with what she told Iris about Sabrina, she would see a big difference. First of all, this is due to the fact that Sabrina is attributed to "fake" behavior: when communicating with Cora, she is hypocritical and behaves in a friendly way, but “in fact” this hides her negative attitude towards Kore.

Very often, one participant in the show tells another what someone else said or did. Because of this, there are many misunderstandings, reproaches and grievances. However, even without this phenomenon of a damaged telephone, the tenants ascribe insincerity to their neighbors. And when someone starts to get angry or swear, it immediately indicates that he "finally showed his 'true' face."

Here again I find a phenomenon that we humans very often encounter in everyday life: we draw a negative image of our interlocutor and believe this picture more than what he himself tells us about himself. And he feels misunderstood by us, feels that he is being attacked, and begins to defend himself.

How often do we hear a celebrity complaining about the press spreading lies! The newspaper printed about something and presented the readers with an image of this celebrity, which the celebrity herself cannot confirm. Thus, the public person begins to feel that he has been misunderstood, and sometimes because of this, he perceives the publication as an attack on himself.

This feeling that arises when you are misunderstood has been familiar to me since childhood. Sometimes something happened to me that I did not want at all. My mother, observing this, attributed evil intentions to me and punished me accordingly. The phrase is "I did not want!" that I screamed during the punishment still rings in my ears.

In 2008, I was puzzled by what some reviewers wrote on the Internet about my first book, “ I no longer obey you "... They thought that they were faithfully transmitting some of the material in the book from their memory, and then they evaluated what they themselves wrote. At the same time, I found that they present the material in a distorted and incorrect way, paint a completely different picture and evaluate it in conclusion. With this assessment, I could agree if I really wrote such a book with such content. For me, both the transmission of the content and the image of the book (or parts of it) that the reviewers created for themselves seemed to be incorrect. The phrase would come in handy here: "I didn't write that!"

The longer I dealt with the pictures of the world, scientific research functions of our brain and psychological reference books, the clearer it became to me: we humans do nothing other than constantly develop mirages. Scientists, for the most part, also try to personally interpret the results of their research. The famous brain researcher, Nobel Prize laureate Eric Kandel in his interview with Welt Online said: “What we call consciousness is always subjective” and “A person may be convinced of some theory, but when later he will have more information or other information about the known until then, the picture of his ideas will change, as will change both his idea and belief. This is what is amazing about science. She is constantly moving on - it's an endless search. "

Each person tries to understand the world around him. We try to communicate to other people what we think we understand. It doesn't always go without saying that we have the same picture. Everything that we experience, we give a certain personal interpretation. Our everyday life is riddled with misunderstandings and illusions. And therefore, our brain diligently strives to create in itself the most useful and perfect reflection of reality and inform others about it, so that we, as humanity, can exist in the most optimal way in this world and more often strive for a common goal.

Meanwhile, we know: no one is able to one hundred percent perceive reality exactly as it is. Each person is the creator of his own mirage. Some mirages function well and allow us to live happily in peace, while others do not work very well and make us suffer.

Neurologist V. S. Ramachandran confirms: "Our brain is a virtual reality machine."

The American philosopher Ken Wilber applies this image directly to science: “Natural science itself is not knowledge about the world, but only an interpretation of the world, therefore it has the same reality - no more and no less - as art and poetry ".

So, why don't we immediately change our tactics and decide deliberately to invent our own personal world- a fantasy world - and construct it within ourselves, recognizing that it is our fantasy?

We no longer say that the glass is half empty, we say that it is half full. We no longer get angry over misunderstandings, but proceed from the fact that in any case we will be misunderstood or we ourselves will misunderstand someone, and rejoice in moments of seeming understanding. We no longer live with the idea that we perceive reality, and gradually we discover that we cannot perceive it at all - on the contrary, as a "starting point" we have the idea that we live in representations, that is, in fantasies, and gradually, through our power of imagination, we approach reality. That being said, we will probably never be able to claim that we have achieved it, that we fully know the "real" reality.

"Fantasy" in our usage means the power of imagination or a mirage. The concept of "fantasy" as a substitute for the concept of "personal reality" at first seems somewhat childish, so to speak, but this is an intentional step, which will become clear from further reading of the book.

I propose to bring the deliberately constructed fantasy world into conformity with the following conditions: purpose, integration, understanding, openness, balance.

Target. The goal of our constructive fantasy world is to constantly evolve in order to be in the greatest possible resonance with our surroundings and at the same time benefit ourselves.

Integration. Our constructive fantasy world integrates everything that we have ever thought, known and perceived in our reality until now. This is not a brainwashing that obscures certain aspects. Integration serves not to "break away", but to expand our reality, to make it even more extensive. It builds on what is already there!

Understanding. Understanding allows us to enjoy what is experienced at this moment - the moment of understanding - a feeling that is impossible without the ability and skill of mutual adjustment.

Openness. Openness allows us to feel like a creative person capable of enlightenment. And - as a result - it gives joy.

Equilibrium. Balance allows us to feel more secure in our constructive fantasy world than in our previous reality.

Current page: 1 (total of the book has 16 pages) [available passage for reading: 9 pages]

Annotation

St. Petersburg: IG Ves, 2011 - 320 pages.

Olaf Jacobsen

THANKS

FOREWORD

Chapter 1. INCREDIBLE

MAGIC FORMULA

AMAZING TRANSFORMATIONS DEFINE OUR WORDS

OUR FEAR OF RAPID CHANGE GOVERNS THE PACE OF LIFE

THE MAGIC OF SUPERSENSUAL PERCEPTION

ADVANCED PERCEPTION EXERCISE: TWICE BLINDLY

SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE OF UNIVERSAL INTERCONNECTION

Chapter 2. PARALLEL REALITIES

CAN WE FEEL THE TRUE REALITY?

EVERYONE LIVES IN OWN REALITY

WITH OUR SENSES, WE CAN RECOGNIZE THE ENERGY INFLUENCING US FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD

CAN I BE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT ALL THIS IS TRUE?

IS MY FEELING A PERCEPTION OR A FEELING?

WE CAN CHANGE ONLY OUR POINT OF VIEW, BUT NOT EMOTIONS

Chapter 3. CLARITY

HOW DOES THE PHENOMENON OF SUPERSENSUAL PERCEPTION ARISE?

HOW GENERALLY DO WE PROVIDE YOURSELF WITH SOMETHING?

UPLOADING CONSCIOUSNESS AT THE END OF A CONTACT

"I'M NOT AT YOUR ORDER ANYMORE"

DEEP SENSE OF THE PARTICLE "NOT"

CAUTION: RAPID AND EXTENSIVE CHANGES CAN BE DANGEROUS

Chapter 4. RELEASE

DESIRE FOR CHANGE LINKS US WITH OTHERS

WHEN WE EXPLORE OUR FEELINGS, SOMETHING CHANGES

WE RELEASE OUR SENSES BY RIDING UNCONSCIOUS STRESS

CONSCIOUSNESS CREATES A FRAMEWORK IN WHICH MENTAL IMBALANCE IS DISSOLVED

I UNDERSTAND MYSELF BETTER THAN OTHERS

PROBLEM POSE - SOLUTION POSITION

IS MY STRESS NOT MY OWN AT ALL?

UNFULFILLED DESIRE FOR CHANGE AFFECTS EVERYONE

Chapter 5. NEW MODELS OF BEHAVIOR

OUR NATURAL PROCESS OF LEARNING AND RELEASING

WE CAN HELP ONLY WHEN HELP IS WANTED

WE HAVE A CHOICE WHICH ROLE TO TAKE ON

WHO REPLIES WHO?

CONCLUSIONS ABOUT OUR SENSUAL ABILITIES

RESONANCE AND SUPERSENSUAL PERCEPTION EVERYWHERE

Olaf Jacobsen

I no longer obey you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences, entering into a new relationship

May this book support all readers and readers in discovering more and more puzzle pieces and put them into one picture of a perfect universe.

Olaf Jacobsen is the founder of free constellations, seminar leader and psychological counselor. He has published four books and many articles on the topic of exemption from internal problems... Olaf Jacobsen has always been convinced that there is some simple solution to get rid of many of the unpleasant emotions that arise in us every day or throughout life. And now, finally, he was able to find this magic formula. It sounds like this: "I no longer obey you" or "I no longer give myself to this." How can this work? In this book, you will learn that every person has the ability and disposition to telepathy and empathy. You will learn how to properly use the magic spell proposed by the author to embed it in any area of life and apply to any situation. You can easily recognize and get rid of feelings of dependence, fear of loss, negative influence, sexual disharmony, feelings of inferiority.

THANKS

Many people played important role in my life and encouraged me to experience a varied range of feelings and emotions, which is reflected in this book. If it were not for the numerous authors of various scientific and psychological works and articles, as well as teachers, experts and seminar leaders with whom I happened to communicate, I would not be able now to rely on this experience and form such a train of thought, which is presented here on the pages this book.

I thank my Jacqueline Schwindt for deep insight into my feelings, for her experiences that influenced my views, as well as for her affectionate and constructive criticism during the compilation of the book.

My thanks also go to the seminar participants who inspired me with their experiences and life stories with numerous examples, as well as the authors whose knowledge and wisdom I have the opportunity to quote.

In this regard, special thanks go to Klaus Mücke, who in his book “Where there is danger, there is salvation”, offers a treasury full of psychoactive sayings, which served as the source of my creativity.

I thank Mike Zimmermann (my sister at heart) and Monika Anna Mesner for the valuable guidance.

I thank Monika Unemann and all the Windpferd staff for their sensitive participation and support. Lecturer Sylvia Lujohan has always believed in me. Thank you very much for that too.

In conclusion, I say thank you to the Universe for all the balance and imbalance, and for the fateful coincidence of circumstances, thanks to which I was able to intensively learn in life.

FOREWORD

Why exactly I got the task of writing this book, I do not know. However, I see that it was my life path that led me to this. Could it be something like a destination?

In fact, what is purpose? Is there something that defines us humans? Don't we have free will? What, then, is our experience, which we call "free will"?

Undoubtedly, I am a person who consciously goes my own way. And yet, looking back, every time I notice that my decisions coincide in an amazing way with the events around me. Could I have predicted this? Have I adjusted to my environment? Or was it all just pure "synchronicity"?

The person who picked up this book made a similar decision himself. And at the same time, there was no other way: it had to be so. Why and why - we will find out only later.

How about a solution such as no longer belonging to something? When we “want” it, it becomes our choice, which is gradually built into our life. It develops to such an extent that it becomes a permanent component of our behavior. We freely make decisions, and then we learn that they coincide in an amazing way with the world around us.

I wish all readers on their path in life more synchronicity and exciting experiences. Let the course of things unfold gradually and take shape like a universal mosaic. May we, as pieces of this puzzle, become more aware and see how everything in the world interacts closely with each other.

Olaf Jacobsen,

Karlsruhe, July 2006

Chapter 1. INCREDIBLE

MAGIC FORMULA

Early this morning, I pulled out a card. It read: "The easiest way to the secret kingdom is through the gate of acceptance."

For me, the cards of the fairies of Marcia Cina Mager are an invaluable gift. Its wording is easy to accept. They open my true feelings and relax the pressure of my mind, they give me answers that I can immediately relate to my question or current life situation.

However, sometimes in life it can be very difficult to accept something. I hear my inner voice, which pushes me to accept what I have heard, read or experienced and integrate this experience, but this is exactly what I cannot do. I remember people who told me: “Hey, Olaf, you just need to accept it inside yourself, recognize what it is, love yourself, develop unconditional love, don't think about the future - live! Live now!" It didn't help. I felt that I was missing something.

Deep down, I have always been convinced that there is some simple solution for such cases. I understood that we humans can very easily get rid of many unpleasant emotions. And now I was finally able to find this magic spell. It sounds like this: "I no longer obey you," or "I no longer give myself to this." At first, it seems as if this proposal does not radiate love and acceptance. It sounds like isolation, but that's a mistake. The effect of this phrase depends on the inner position we use to pronounce it. If we direct it against someone, then it is bad for us. However, it leads to the miracle of liberation if we express it for the good of all. While reading this book, you will learn how to properly use this spell to embed it in any area of life and apply to any situation.

This magic formula works immediately and can be used without any additional knowledge. We just say it out loud or mentally, and we already feel freer. How can this work? I have long observed and investigated the phenomenon of telepathic sensations in familial or "systemic, constellations." During this process, you can clearly feel that substitutes (people acting in other people's roles) are experiencing the emotions of the person being replaced. Among specialists, this is called "representational perception." I was able to understand that in our everyday life we often unintentionally play substitute roles in relation to other people and, in this connection, slip into the perception of their feelings. We think these are our own feelings and we want to get rid of them. We believe that something is wrong with us and are fighting with ourselves. Or we confront those people who have caused these feelings in us, and we want to free ourselves from them.

Every day we go through a stressful role play: between parents and children, bosses and subordinates, teachers and students, doctor and patients, trainer and athletes, therapist and client, leader and seminar participants, conductor and musicians, in pairs, between colleagues, politicians, and also between two groups, for example , between two football teams.

In this book, you will learn that every person has the ability and disposition to telepathy and empathy.

The more conscious we become about the perception of our feelings, the clearer we will be able to understand them, and the easier it will be for us to deal with them. Feelings of addiction, fear of loss, negative influences, sexual disharmony, feelings of inferiority, burnout syndrome, lifeguard syndrome, lack of energy, streaks of failures and even some illnesses and many other unpleasant roles can often be removed from ourselves by the attitude: we no longer put ourselves at their disposal ... We have a choice and more often than we could imagine.

Through the instructions for use in the following chapters, you will learn a wonderful way to free yourself from negative feelings. It will become clear to you why and at what moments you can purposefully and effectively create "magic". When you have this clarity, others will look at you with different eyes, many will react in a completely different way.

First, you yourself must learn to look at the world of emotions with new eyes. You yourself will expand your picture of the world to give the magic spell a suitable framework. To do this, some prerequisites must be met: if you want to learn a new picture of the world, you must "leave yourself" to the views outlined in this book. You must immerse yourself in this point of view, understand it, try it, get to know it ... ("The easiest way to the secret kingdom leads through the gate of acceptance.")

Once you have taken this step, then you have the strength to make a choice. You feel the energy of choice and achieve clarity. You are free to choose: stay with the good old way of looking at things and then say: "I am no longer left to the point of view that I learned here," or you recognize the value of new knowledge and accept it. You decide what will bring you more benefits. Perhaps you will choose a sensible combination of both?

I am often wary and distrustful when I learn something new. I observe and compare this with my feelings, my previous experience and my current knowledge. I recommend that you take the same position. Consider carefully what I am offering you here. Feel it, stay open and critical at the same time. At the same time, you accumulate new experience - and one day magic may arise. You will be amazed!

When you have read the entire book, become familiar with it in its entirety, watch what changes. Think back to what state you were in before you started reading. Compare your new feelings with previous sensations, compare your expanded picture of the world with the picture you had before, correlate your new possibilities with what you were able to do before, and you will clearly see the changes.

Walk a little with me through this universe full of wonders. Open yourself to the exploration of the mysterious space around us and in ourselves. Take your time, make sure that during this time you are not under any stress. The universe is so perfect that it will replicate this stress. It's like in Michael Ende's The Infinite Story: "Little Bastian's every wish came true exactly as he pronounced it, even if he really meant something else." Barbel More, in his best-selling book Orders from the Universe, talks about how vaguely expressed desires can lead to unwanted fulfillment. Many people who are actively involved in spirituality confirm that the universe reflects both our conscious and our unconscious energy - "both inside and outside." Even science proves that the observed object is often reflected in the observer. Someone who is afraid of something will receive confirmation of their fears, someone who doubts, will be confused, someone who asks, will receive appropriate answers, someone who investigates will gain an interesting experience. Why is this so? Walk with me the path of the explorer. Let's begin to consciously comprehend our life: we observe, gain experience, learn something, form our beliefs, doubt and re-observe.

Realizing this deeper

At the end of each topic in this section, you will find my additions and excerpts for a deeper understanding of the material covered, as well as quotes from other authors designed to inspire you and confirm the problem under discussion. Leave yourself time for reflection for this information, so that its action can calmly manifest in you, including at the level of feelings. If you read all the excerpts several times, you will be able to anchor the corresponding neural connections in your brain and study their effect on you.

The effect of the statements presented in this book on people with serious psychological or emotional problems is unpredictable. The contents of the book and the recommended exercises are not intended to replace a healthcare professional or professional therapy. Physical or mental ailments during or after exercise should not be ignored; they may indicate health problems that require specialist intervention to get rid of.

“Problems arise because people have long known what is good for them, but do not allow themselves to do so,” says Gunter Schmidt, MD, a specialist in psychotherapeutic medicine and head of the Milton Erickson Institute in Heidelberg.

If, when we feel this or that problem, we use the setting: “I am no longer at your disposal,” saying it to ourselves or out loud, then something in our feelings may spontaneously change. A new view of the world sets a framework for this installation, and it gives us the associated clarity.

“In order to understand something, certain conditions must be created. People are always in control of what they already know and question what they don't know yet, ”write Ariel and Shya Kane, leaders of the Instantaneous Transformation workshops, in their book The Secret of a Wonderful Relationship.

The better we know something, the more focused and successful we can handle it. We have a choice.

Pete Sanders writes in his book A Guide to Supersensory Perception: “Many of your feelings are not really yours at all. These are the feelings of other people that you perceive. "

Josephine wrote to me: “Ever since I made the arrangement of my parents and myself (a description of family constellations will be later), a lot has changed for me. I realized that I want to live the life of my mother, because she could not do it because of me. Therefore, I have always been in conflict with what I achieved, and with what I really want. The consequence of this was a constant feeling of unhappiness. When I read your manuscript on Monday, I was pondering how I could make a constellation on this issue. Who inside me determines what makes me happy? It was as if a veil fell from my eyes. The wonderful phrase “I no longer belong to this” changed my feelings. Now I feel myself in a completely different way - more harmoniously, freer, I see different situations in a different way and can more safely resolve them, in accordance with my own nature. "

The universe is the perfect mirror for those who know how to use it.

AMAZING TRANSFORMATIONS DEFINE OUR WORDS

Some of the following incidents I experienced myself, some of them I read, some I was told.

In the cinema in Karlsruhe, I stood on the parapet and looked down from six meters. People crowded on the sidewalk at the checkout counter. I chose one person from the line, concentrated on him and began to intensely observe his every movement. After a few minutes, he began to look around uneasily. Finally, he looked up straight at me and met my eyes. Did this person feel like I was watching him?

Stefanie's phone rang. She immediately guessed who was on the other end of the line. When Stefanie answered the phone, she heard exactly the person she was thinking of. Could she feel it?

Ten-year-old Cohen spent several days visiting his grandparents. On the last night, he woke up with the distinct thought that his parrot had died. The thought didn’t let him go anymore. When Cohen's parents took him home and brought him home, he found his parrot dead, lying at the bottom of the cage. Could Cohen feel it? (You can read about such facts in the book "The Seventh Sense of Man" by Rupert Sheldrake.)

Some couples often experience this phenomenon - one says what the other just thought, or they state the fact that they are thinking about the same thing at the same time. Both are sitting in the kitchen, the window is open. The husband thinks it would be good to close the window. Nothing was said, but the wife gets up and closes the window. Or: the wife begins to tell her thoughts about a movie. The husband exclaims in surprise: "I was just thinking about this same movie!" Can they mutually feel each other?

I was dating a woman some time ago, and one Sunday I suddenly felt a sense of rage, which prompted me to dial her phone number. I called just at the moment when she was hugging another man, as she later told me. Could I feel that she was inwardly distant from me?

Once, while cycling through the city, I saw my friend walking in front of me. She had not yet had time to notice me, so I wanted to surprise her and slowly began to approach her from behind. Suddenly, when I was already at a distance of about twenty meters, she turned around and looked directly at me. Did she feel like I was watching her? She later confirmed that a certain sense of anxiety caused her to turn around.

Nurse Ute, during her evening round at the hospital, felt that she needed to visit a certain patient immediately. When she entered the ward, the patient, who was obviously ill, told her: "It's good that you came, I just wanted to call you." Could she feel it?

When I wrote the first draft of this book, I began to ponder which publisher would be right for me and would be able to publish it. I went to a bookstore and looked at books from various publishers. My feelings pointed to Windpferd every time. Authors tend to submit their manuscripts to several publishers at the same time, and then see who is interested. I decided to send a request only to this publisher. How it all ended, you see. Could I have foreseen this?

In the systemic constellations therapy group in Karlsruhe, Bernd's family situation was to be assigned to roles. The goal was for Bernd to learn and understand something new about himself in order to solve his communication problems. The selected group members became accustomed to the role of members of his family without knowing them personally and without receiving any instructions or descriptions from Bernd. He actively watched what was happening. The deputies communicated their feelings of kinship and acted in accordance with them. Spontaneous dialogues arose. Bernd later confirmed with surprise that his real family members speak and behave very similarly. Did the deputies feel what the real characters of the family members they replace were?

Thousands of professional therapists work with this sensory perception every day. The specialized literature describes and understands such phenomena as telepathy. The Duden dictionary interprets telepathy as "distant sensation - the perception of the mental processes of another person without the participation of the senses."

Rupert Sheldrake collected detailed studies and reports from hundreds of people and published them in his books: "The Seventh Sense of Animals" and "The Seventh Sense of Man". He is a biologist, Fellow of the Royal Society of Great Britain, former Assistant Professor of Cell Biology at the University of Cambridge and Visiting Professor at the Graduate Institute in Connecticut in the United States. He has achieved worldwide recognition for his research on collective intelligence and morphic fields (www.sheldrake.org).

Clemens Kyuubi, author of popular science books and director of many acclaimed documentaries, for example about reincarnation (Living Buddha), in his film On the Road to Another Dimension and in the book of the same name, along with frequent charlatanism, also noted many miracles that he experienced during his trips to famous healers and shamans. The Kyuubi itself is already a great miracle, as it was inexplicably healed from paralysis with a transverse spinal cord injury.

Authors, recognized by hundreds of thousands of readers, include the Dalai Lama (Nobel Peace Prize laureate and author of The Ways to Happiness), Dr. Joseph Murphy (The Power of Your Subconscious), Stephen Hawking (The World in a Nutshell), Berbel Mor ("Orders from the Universe"), Torvald Detlefsen ("Destiny as a Chance"), Ken Wilber ("Eros, Cosmos, Logos"), Lao Tzu ("Tao Te Ching"), Eckhart Tolle ("The Power of the Moment Now" ), among other things, they write about the unity of the world and report on telepathic experiences and knowledge available to all living beings. These can only be explained by the unity of all that exists.

Joachim Bauer, professor of psychoneuroimmunology (author of the book Why I Feel What You Feel), talks about the existence of mirror neurons in the brain, which are responsible for the fact that we perceive other (present) people through the phenomenon of resonance and thus we can learn to maintain and develop these skills. These extremely curious brain cells were discovered by a renowned international research group led by Italian scientist Giacomo Risolatti and brain researcher William Hutchison.

The film trilogy "The Matrix" caused a huge resonance among millions of people. It is about the interconnectedness of all living beings. Three films evoke ideas about what can happen if this relationship is known, accepted, precisely studied, if it is managed for personal purposes. After a long struggle, peace comes at a moment when the protagonist of the story, Neo, fully recognizes and admits connection and unity with all people, that is, even with his worst enemy, Agent Smith ("The easiest way to the secret kingdom leads through the gate of acceptance").

When I saw the first part of the film in the cinema with my girlfriend, I strongly identified with the main character. When the movie ended, I walked out of the theater feeling that I could influence my environment (matrix). When we approached the car, which had a central door locking system, I internally imagined how to open the driver's door, but the other door remains closed. Indeed, it happened “by accident”, because my friend “out of forgetfulness”, while I was opening the car door, pulled the handle of her door and thereby intervened in the central locking mechanism. Thus, the second door remained closed.

Scientists and quantum physicists have long known about the phenomenon of the interconnectedness of everything in the universe. Christian Thomas Kohl, a political scientist, quotes experimental physicist Anton Zeilinger in his book Buddhism and Quantum Physics: particles affect the qualities of others and immediately entail their corresponding changes. This is true regardless of how far these particles are from each other. Einstein called this process "ghostly distant influence", today this phenomenon is called "nonlocality." If one changes, then the other changes with it. David Bohm (a student of Einstein), probably the most advanced quantum physicist, developed a theory with which one can fully describe all unusual quantum phenomena: “Thanks to the quantum potential, a kind of information field, and the implicit order of the Universe, everything is closely related to each other. ".

Dr. Stephen Wolinsky has developed a kind of synthesis of quantum physics and psychological / spiritual phenomena: the so-called quantum psychology. With its help, thousands of people every year learn how to purposefully help themselves. The basis here is the same deep understanding of the connectedness of all things and beings.

In 2006, an interesting American documentary film about the provisions of quantum physics appeared in German cinemas - “The Power of Thought. What do we know about this? " Independent filmmakers William Arntz, Betsy Chassie and Mark Visant have interviewed many renowned scientists such as David Albert, professor and director of Columbia University (author of Quantum Mechanics and Experience), John Hagelin, professor and director of Maharishi University (more than a hundred publications on quantum theory), Dr. Michael Ledvis, professor at the Irish College of Maineus, etc. The idea of this film is that we must change our thinking and give a chance to manifest a picture of the world, where there is connection. In addition, the film shows that we are the creators of our universe: the world in which we live is a mirror of our own ideas. This means that if we believe in a world in which everyone is separated from each other, then we live in such a world. If we believe in a telepathic connection, then more and more often we are faced with phenomena that indicate the existence of this connection.

For this reason, at the very beginning of the book, I recommended that you not trust strange phenomena, but at the same time remain open to them and investigate them. The solution is not to conquer emerging doubts and disbelief. I even recommend that you study these feelings and states in more detail. When we find out that, in fact, he wants to tell us our doubt, then we better understand it, accept and can do something. This makes us feel more confident. As we become aware of these interactions between people, we become even more open to telepathic phenomena. In the end, we can feel in which areas of life we become freer when we no longer place ourselves at the disposal of a particular system or feeling. The doubts of other people affect us in the same way, control our feelings when we come into contact with them.

In the "family constellations" that have become known throughout Germany and many other countries mainly due to the therapeutic work of Bert Hellinger, hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have experiences in which one can feel the emotions of another person, replacing him in the constellation. When someone participates in the constellation as a substitute and represents an unknown person, this person feels that other people's feelings arise in him, as if by magic. When the “deputy” reports his feelings, the client of the constellation confirms that this actually coincides with the behavior and emotions of the person being replaced. Critics of family constellations immediately change their minds when they experience this phenomenon themselves. It is difficult to imagine this without experiencing it personally. Therefore, I will propose one simple experiment later. Meanwhile, there are already the first scientific confirmations of this discovery, for example, in Peter Schleter's work (2004) “Vertraute Sprache und ihre Entdeckung; Systemaufstellungen sind kein Zufallsprodukt - der empirische Nachweis "(" Familiar language and its discovery; systemic constellations are not an accidental product - empirical evidence "), or in research work Martin Kohlhauser and Friedrich Asslander (2005) Organizationsaufstellungen evaluiert; Studie zur Wirksamkeit von Systemaufstellungen in Management und Beratung "(" Assessment of organizational constellations; study of the effectiveness of systemic constellations in management and consulting ").

Olaf Jacobsen

I no longer obey you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences by entering into a new relationship

May this book support all readers and readers in discovering more and more puzzle pieces and put them into one picture of a perfect universe.

Olaf Jacobsen is the founder of free constellations, seminar leader and psychological counselor. He has published four books and many articles on the topic of liberation from inner problems. Olaf Jacobsen has always been convinced that there is some simple solution to get rid of many of the unpleasant emotions that arise in us every day or throughout life. And now, finally, he was able to find this magic formula. It sounds like this: "I no longer obey you" or "I no longer give myself to this." How can this work? In this book, you will learn that every person has the ability and disposition to telepathy and empathy. You will learn how to properly use the magic spell proposed by the author to embed it in any area of life and apply to any situation. You can easily recognize and get rid of feelings of dependence, fear of loss, negative influence, sexual disharmony, feelings of inferiority.

THANKS

Many people have played an important role in my life and encouraged me to experience a diverse range of feelings and emotions, which in turn is reflected in this book. If it were not for the numerous authors of various scientific and psychological works and articles, as well as teachers, experts and seminar leaders with whom I happened to communicate, I would not be able now to rely on this experience and form such a train of thought, which is presented here on the pages this book.

I thank Mike Zimmermann (my sister at heart) and Monika Anna Mesner for the valuable guidance.

I thank Monika Unemann and all the Windpferd staff for their sensitive participation and support. Lecturer Sylvia Lujohan has always believed in me. Thank you very much for that too.

In conclusion, I say thank you to the Universe for all the balance and imbalance, and for the fateful coincidence of circumstances, thanks to which I was able to intensively learn in life.

FOREWORD

Why exactly I got the task of writing this book, I do not know. However, I see that it was my life path that led me to this. Could it be something like a destination?

In fact, what is purpose? Is there something that defines us humans? Don't we have free will? What, then, is our experience, which we call "free will"?

The person who picked up this book made a similar decision himself. And at the same time, there was no other way: it had to be so. Why and why - we will find out only later.

Olaf Jacobsen,

Karlsruhe, July 2006

Chapter 1. INCREDIBLE

Early this morning, I pulled out a card. It read: "The easiest way to the secret kingdom is through the gate of acceptance."

Every day we experience intense role play: between parents and children, bosses and subordinates, teachers and students, doctor and patients, coach and athletes, therapist and client, leader and seminar participants, conductor and musicians, in pairs, between colleagues, politicians, and also between two groups, for example, between two football teams.

Olaf Jacobsen

I no longer obey you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences by entering into a new relationship

May this book support all readers and readers in discovering more and more puzzle pieces and put them into one picture of a perfect universe.

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Ich stehe nicht mehr zur Verfügung. Die Folgen. Mit Kritik ausgeglichen und liebevoll umgehen

Published under license by Windpferd Verlagsgesellschaft mbH, 87561, Obertsdorf, Germany in 2001, with the assistance of Mediana Agency, Russia.

Magic look